Friday's List: Top 10 Best Picture Nominees (That Lost to Awful Films)

Everyone feels like the Academy gets it wrong sometimes. Personally, I feel like they get it right sometimes. The films I love the most every year rarely get nominated, and the ones I pick as the best each year hardly ever win. "Hugo" was the best film of this past year, in my opinion, but it lost to "The Artist". This isn't terrible, because I liked that film. I just think "Hugo" is far superior in every way. I'm not going to say I think "Star Wars" should have beat "Annie Hall" or "Black Swan" was better than "The King's Speech", because I like those films. They may not have been my favorite films for the year they won, but they were good films and deserving of the recognition they got ("King's Speech" a little less). This instead will be about the crowning aheivements in cinema that lost to crappy films I wouldn't piss on to put out a fire.

 10: Giant (1956)

 Lost to: Around the World in 80 Days

 I feel like this is a great place to start. "Giant" is such an epic film. The scope, the granduer, the social themes and the cast. Oh god, the cast! George Stevens poured everything into this movie, and it bursts at the seams with talent. I put this on the bottom of the list for one reason: I didn't completely hate "Around the World in 80 Days". Here is a fun family film that has some merits, but let's be honest, if it didn't win Best Picture, no one would be talking about it today. David Niven did a fine job in it, and the source material is always a delight, but this was a waste as Best Picture. It's a C at best, and nowhere near worthy of such a prestigious accolade.

 9. As Good as it Gets (1997)

 Lost to: Titanic

 James L. Brooks gave the world "Terms of Endearment" (Best Picture - 1983) and "Broadcast News" (Best Picture Nominee - 1987), and then he gave us "As Good as it Gets". This film is so charming on so many levels, it's hard to not love it. Brooks' writing is crisp and clever as it has ever been, and the award-winning cast gives to every inch, and it pays off in dividends. The directing is laid back, the way a romantic-comedy should be. It isn't the kind of movie that needs eye-popping cinematography and other exciting effects to make the audience swoon, because the actors do most of he work for you. Which is exactly why I don't like "Titanic". Everything that "As Good as it Gets" was, "Titanic" was the exact opposite. But, Cameron's movie didn't deserve to beat any of the four films it was up against. Case in point...

8. L.A. Confidential (1997)

Lost to: Titanic... again...

SERIOUSLY! This WAS the best film of '97! It was almost a modern day "Chinatown". The writing was superb, there wasn't a bad performance from the more than capable cast, and Curtis Hanson's directing has never been as good since this film (as much as I did love "Wonder Boys"). If "As Good as It Gets" was everything "Titanic" wasn't, this was everything "Titanic" should have been. It's tense, engaging, and a great period piece. I could watch this movie once a week, and never get bored with anything in it. It nabbed awards for screenplay and supporting actress (Basinger owned this movie), but failed to bring home the top prize. What a shame.

7. High Noon (1952)

Lost to: The Greatest Show on Earth

Fred Zinnemann directed some the most memorable and iconic films to win Academy Awards, but his MOST iconic failed to get the top trophy, but picked up four others (including Gary Cooper winning best actor). It is true that the following year he would grab a directing award for "From Here to Eternity", which would also nab Best Picture, but "High Noon" losing to Cecil B. Demille's "The Greatest Show on Earth" was a real punch in the gut. "Show" was a bright, flashy spectacle of a film that was the sort of big-budget star-filled movie made to entertain mass audiences, and not to grab up awards over such thoughtful films like "High Noon".

6. Field of Dreams (1989)

Lost to: Driving Miss Daisy


Okay... I kind of like "Driving Miss Daisy". It is, however, far from a great film. The acting in "Daisy" is the saving grace of the film, but the white people are so great to black people story is a little grating, and help set the stage for films like "The Blind Side" and "The Help", all films that were recognized by the academy to make old white voters feel great about themselves. "Field of Dreams", on the other hand, was a gripping story about a family in dire straits, trying to find a way to save themselves. What better way than let ghosts play on  baseball diamond built on a corn field? Ray Kinsella's (Kevin Costner) obsession spreads, not only through the characters in the story, but through the audience. This film means so much to its fans, and fans of the sport, that they still visit the field in Dyersville, Iowa, and teams like the Quad Cities River Bandits have their player enter through a small corn field. I don't see anyone visiting the street where Morgan Freeman follows Jessica Tandy home.

5. Apocalypse Now (1979)

Lost to: Kramer vs. Kramer


"The Deer Hunter" won Best Picture in 1978, so the Academy was not in the mood to give another Vietnam film the top prize. So, instead, they gave it to a middling divorce drama starring Dustin Hoffman. "Apocalypse Now" is steeped in legend. The making was as close to hell as anyone one crew could ever get, and Murphy's Law was the rule on set. The film itself is journey deep into the darkest parts of the soul of men, set against the backdrop of a truly horrific war. It's pretty easy to see that the voters didn't want to look like they were just giving awards to anyone who had something to say about this terrible conflict, but they could have at least given Best Picture to "Norma Rae".

4. Fargo (1996)

Lost to: The English Patient


Here are a list of great films released in 1996: "Trainspotting", "Bottle Rocket", "The Birdcage", "Primal Fear", "That Thing You Do", "Big Night", "Waiting For Guffman", "Sleepers", "The People Vs. Larry Flint". And these are just the films I consider worthy contenders for the Best Picture Oscar. None of these were nominated for the award, and they were snubbed for "The English Patient", the longest, most boring film to ever get crowned by the Academy. The Coen Brothers, on the other side of the aisle, created one of their finest films to date with "Fargo". This film was funny, tragic, and full of Steve Buscemi getting shoved into a woodchipper. The Coens won Best Original Screenplay, but it would be another decade before they would get their Best Picture due with "No Country for Old Men".

3. Raging Bull (1980)

Lost to: Ordinary People

Widely consider the greatest sports film of all time, and arguably Scorsese's best film (my pick is "Taxi Driver"), "Raging Bull" is anything you could ever want in an underdog sports film. You have well shot fight scenes, top notch acting, and a main character is who absolutely crazy! With "Ordinary People", Redford gave the same-old-same-old with nothing new brought to the table. It was a safe bet for a lot of Academy voters, because it didn't challenge anything. "Bull" was a hard, gritty portrayal of an unlikable human being, that didn't make anybody feel good about themselves, not even Jake La Motta.

2. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Lost to: Chariots of Fire


I warn you, a lot of Spielberg love is about to happen. Look at any list of the greatest films ever made, and tell me what you see, aside from "Citizen Kane". That's right! "Raiders" is on there, and "Chariots of Fire" isn't. Do you know why? Because "Chariots" is a boring movie about young boys racing. The Spielberg/Lucas classic, on the other hand, has lived on in the hearts and minds of anybody with an imagination, or a pulse, or both for that matter. This is the perfect case of the Academy not taking a genre seriously. Here you have a beautifully crafted film, well shot and acted, and a hell of a lot of fun, but it's an action film. So, it loses to forgettable crap, because that crap didn't have Nazis getting chopped up by plane propellers.

1. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Lost to: Shakespeare in Love (no, seriously)

There is no reason! NOT ONE! That a film as perfectly made as "Saving Private Ryan" should have lost to anything. Let alone John Madden's worst film. I don't even get how that movie was nominated, because it wasn't very good, at all! "Ryan" had everything going for it. Spielberg, Hanks, Damon, Kaminski, John Williams! What the bloody hell? They got it right for best director, and then dropped all of their senses. Did the Academy decide that we're only allowed to give Spielberg one best picture award a decade? They screwed that up when they gave the award to "Crash" instead of "Munich". Or did they just not enjoy the realism of battle put on screen, making people feel all icky? Whatever the case may be, they need to go back, just this once, and set it right.

Pass or Fail: Too Late the Sequel

Hollywood is bringing us another year full of remakes, adaptations, and sequels! Nevermind seeing something original, when you can watch the same crap you've been watching for years. Along with "American Reunion", which I passed in this "Pass or Fail", they have decided to bring the public updates to franchises that were thought dead for nearly a decade. Here are two of them!

Pass: The Hobbit: an Unexpected Journey

Development Hell wasn't very kind to "The Hobbit", and to be fair, this isn't a sequel, but you knew that already. Different directors were slated to work on it, and at one point it seemed like New Line had dropped Peter Jackson from the project altogether. Here it is nine years after "Return of the King", and we finally have "The Hobbit"! It looks like it is going to be as fun as the early scenes in "The Fellowship of the Ring" were. Ian McKellen returns in his Oscar-nominated role of Gandalf, and it looks like a lot of the "LOTR" cast will be making cameos (I guess so notto confuse the passing fans). I hope this lives up to Jackson's adaptation of the "Rings" trilogy.

Fail: Men in Black III

The summer of 1997 saw the release of an adaptation of a little known Marvel comic book, that became a massive hit, and continued to launch Will Smith into super-stardom. 2002 gave us a really bad sequel. A decade after that, and Columbia Pictures is throwing us the sequel nobody wants. With "Seven Pounds" and "Hancock", Smith proved he could be in bad movies, and hasn't been in one since. Believe me, there isn't anyone who wants to "slap the shiz-nit out of Andy Warhol" as much as I want to, but I don't think this is the film I want to see it happen in.

Extra Pass: Daft Punk - Derezzed: I would put the whole film on here, if I could, but I'll go with Daft Punk's awesome single to this sequel that took almost three decades to get on screen. And yes, this should have been on last Friday's list. Any video with light-cycles deserves to be called the best.

Thousand Words, a (2012)

Silence is... I used this joke already!

I would have thought a film about Eddie Murphy not talking would be worth seeing. It wasn't. Instead, you get to listen to him rant, and spout out sentence after sentence of nonsense until he is cursed. His curse consists of being linked to a tree that is ultimately going to lead to his demise, if he keeps talking. The one redeeming factor of this films is Ruby Dee, playing Murphy's mother, who is in a nursing home battling Alzheimer's. She actually saves the film for the five or so minutes she is on screen, and brought it up from a lower grade. I honestly don't like hating Eddie Murphy, because he is such a talent, but he keeps making these awful films.

Grade: D
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Cliff Curtis, Kerry Washington
Director: Brian Robbins
Writer(s): Steve Koren
RT: 91 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual situations including dialogue, language and some drug-related humor

Silent House (2012)

Silence is Moldin'

I feel like this film should have come with a warning: you may fall asleep! This film is so ultimately boring, and goofy, that for the 85 minutes you spend watching it, you may check your watch more than once. Only to discover that only 5 of them have passed. It is presented in one take, which only seems to add the distraction of trying to figure out how many of the shots were accomplished. Elizabeth Olsen's performance isn't strong enough to carry the majority of this film, but it is in the film's finale that she comes to life. Her co-stars are as flat, and as boring, as the script, and they manage to kill any hope of momentum when they enter the screen. There wasn't much that could save it, anyway.

Grade: D
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Elizabeth Olsen, Adam Trese, Eric Sheffer Stevens
Director: Chris Kentis, Laura Lau
Writer(s): Gustavo Hernandez - Original Script: Laura Lau
RT: 85 min
Rating: R for disturbing violent content and terror 

Star Wars: Episode I - the Phantom Menace (1999)

All for I, and I in 3D!

I didn't despise this film as much I remembered. "Episode I" isn't without all of the problems I saw 13 years ago, but they don't seem near as bad, except Jar Jar. As much as Lucas likes to "fix" his movies, why couldn't he just re-dub his voice? Some of the acting is still really, really bad, and the dialogue hard to listen to. The little twists he put in to tie the films together still don't all make sense (Anakin built C-3PO anyone?), but I enjoyed it more than I remembered. Maybe it was seeing it with my nephew. Maybe it was the podracing in 3D. Maybe it was a little more than a dozen years to let the wounds heal from seeing my favorite film franchise dragged down to this level. Who knows? Whatever it is, it's still Star Wars.

Grade: C
3D: Not available in 2D
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Kenny Baker, Anthony Daniels
Director: George Lucas
Writer(s): George Lucas
RT: 136 min
Rating: PG for sci-fi action/violence

John Carter (2012)

My favorite Martian.

Going into films with expectations is always dangerous, and Disney's "John Carter" was no different. I walked into the movie with a shade of gloom, only to have it dismissed by Andrew Stanton masterful direction, and excellent writing from novelist Michael Chabon, and Pixar collaborator Mark Andrews. Taylor Kitsch, as the title character, turned in his finest performance since "Friday Night Lights", filling "Carter" with a well shaded emotional depth not found in many sci-fi films as of late. The Utah backdrop serves beautifully as the planet Mars, or Barsoom, as it is called on the planet, leaving the audience with thrilling imagery.

Grade: A-
3D: If you really must
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Dominic West
Director: Andrew Stanton
Writer(s): Andrew Stanton & Mark Andrews and Michael Chabon
RT: 132 min
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action

The Hunger Games (2012)

I guess this is growing up.

Gary Ross starts 'The Hunger Games" out very strong. He makes Katniss Everdeen, played beautifully by Jennifer Lawrence, a whole, and very interesting, character from the beginning. Through the scenes leading up to the start of the games, you get to know her very well, and come to care for her and her cause. What you lose in this adaptation is the ability to care for the characters that surround her. When they are launched into the arena, the movie shifts into a somewhat thrilling action film that holds moderate weight. The danger is mostly at a distant through most of the games for Katniss, and when comes her way, she runs, or dispatches of it very quickly. So the the stakes never seem quite that high (I know. With the subject matter that sounds funny). "The Hunger Games", though thrilling and engrossing in part, didn't thrill me the way I would have liked.

Grade: B-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Lenny Kravitz
Director: Gary Ross
Writer: Gary Ross and Suzanne Collins and Billy Ray
RT: 142 min
Rating: PG-13 for intense violent thematic material and disturbing images - all involving teens

5 Favorites: Liam Neeson

kThis Friday will be the release of "The Wrath of the Titans", the sequel to the remake of the film based on the stories of Greek Gods. I've spent a lot of time on this blog talking about the supreme badassness of actor, and badass, Liam Neeson, and I figured, why not do a little more. January's "The Grey" has been one of my favorite films so far this year, and with "Taken 2", and a possible cameo in "The Dark Knight Rises", there is still a lot more Neeson yet to come this year. Here are the five most badass performances, from a grade A badass.

5. Darkman (1990)

Have I mentioned that the 5 spot is reserved for personal favorites that I think people should see? I'm sure I have, but I'm doing it again! This forgotten Sam Raimi gem is about a scientist, named Peyton Westlake, who discovers the way to make a synthetic skin, but it only lasts for 100 minutes when exposed to light. When he is attacked by gangsters, and his office blown up, he is presumed dead. Westlake is forced underground, where he continues to work on his synthetic skin, in a scheme to take his revenge. This is Sam Raimi in his "Evil Dead" days, and Neeson keeps up with all of the slapstick violence, and the Raimi style camera work. He also drops a dude off of a building.

4. Kinsey (2004)

Who likes biopics?! Liam Neeson sure does! That is why he does as many as it seems he can fit into his repertoire. Bill Condon wrote and directed the story of Alfred Kinsey, biology professor, and the author of "Sexual Behavior of the Human Male". Neeson, as always, plays the title character ("Rob Roy", "Michael Collins"), and crushes it. He has an emotional disconnect from the people around him, and can't understand what makes sex such a taboo. His relationship with his wife (Laura Linney) is strained, but loving, and Neeson gives it the shades necessary to keep him human, without slipping into caricature. 

3. Gangs of New York (2002)

Whenever someone is able to to be on screen for a short amount of time, and is able to make a large impression, i become very impressed. That was Liam Neeson's character in Martin Scorsese's "Gangs of New York". He is a hyped up Irish priest who went to war with the Butcher's (Daniel Day-Lewis) gang. His time on screen mostly amounts to him preparing for battle, leading his troops, and getting killed by the Butcher, but he owns every moment of the short time he has. Proof that there are no small roles, especially if Liam Neeson is playing them.

2. Batman Begins (2005)

Christopher Nolan seems to get the greatest casts assembled since... well, anything. The Batman films have been no different, and the first one had the most jaw-dropping cast of the recent era. Neeson played Duchard, the supposed assistant to Ra's Ah Ghul, who takes Bruce Wayne from a third world prison, and takes care of most of the training that will eventually turn him into Batman. By the time you find out that Duchard is Al Ghul, you understand why he is so driven, and invested in Wayne's invlovement in his plans.

1. Schindler's List (1993)

Who likes biopics... and hates being used by the Nazis to make munitions to fight the Allied Powers? The answer is Liam Neeson playing Oskar Schindler (title role again). The humanity he brings to the role brought tears to my eyes. He is absolutely perfect in this Holocaust epic. Spielberg gets everything from Neeson he can in this movie, and somehow he still lost the Academy Award to Tom Hanks (I liked him better in "Philadelphia" than "Forrest Gump"). I could gush all day about this movie, and Schindler's heroism, but I won't because this is a short list. In conclusion, Liam Neeson rules!

Friday's List: Top 10 Music Videos From Soundtracks

Nostalgia time! I spend a lot of time reliving the past like I get paid for it. I used to love watching music videos when I was younger, though I loved them the most when they came from the soundtrack to a current movie. Not only did you get a great song, but you got an extended trailer for a film I wanted to see, or loved, or "Titanic". This list is about the music videos that I think captured what was great about the films and turned them into wonderful advertisements for the movies they came from. I will also post links to other, similar videos if I can. Good, or bad, as they may be.


10. Green Day - "Nice Guys Finish Last"
    From: "Varsity Blues"

I'm going to start this with a cheat pick, so I can get it out of the way. I bumped some good videos for this one, because I think this is so funny! The song originally came from Green Day's album, "Nimrod', but was put on the "Varsity Blues" soundtrack. The music video has no real tie in with the movie itself, except for the football motif. No clips, no actors from the movie, no nothing! I do love it, and watching Mike Dirnt pretend to get an ankle injury makes me laugh everytime. I don't know why, it just does. On to the rest of the not cheating list.

9. The Wallflowers "Heroes"
      From: "Godzilla"

I like this cover better than the original David Bowie track. Actually, there aren't many Bowie covers I don't like better than the original. This video is a great concept. A woman goes to the store for milk during a Godzilla attack, and The Wallflowers are in her apartment as it gets destroyed. Everyone lives happily-ever-after. It is a simple concept, but one I like. The 4 minutes that it runs is certainly better than the movie it came from, and incorporates all of the good parts of the film: all of the running and screaming. P. Diddy, when he was Puff Daddy, did a similar video for the same soundtrack, but I didn't want to make you listen to "Come With Me". You're welcome.

8. AC/DC - "Big Gun"
    From: "Last Action Hero"

Another example of a music video that was a lot more entertaining than the movie it was from (not the last time we'll see that either). AC/DC is rocking the living hell out of a crowd when Jack Slater (Schwarzenegger's character from the film) busts in for no real reason. Probably just to be taken away by Brian Johnson's ripping vocals, or save them from a cartoony bomb that he catches, while it's lit, and uses it to light his cigar. You know, real man kind of stuff. Before you can say "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", Slater morphs into a 7-foot-tall Angus Young, and is shredding with the best of them. This video does remind me, in a way, of G'N'R's "You Could be Mine" from "Terminator 2", but I didn't use that because they actually used footage from the "T2" trailer.

7. Will Smith "Men in Black"
    From: "Men in Black"

This song has two features that make it special on this list: 1. It was made by one the film's stars. 2. It tells actual plot points from the movie itself (another kind of does. Kind of). Smith's video manages to shove shady agents, bizarre gadgets, and aliens in as well. This was a great extended preview for this movie, and you couldn't go anywhere that summer without hearing this song. "Men in Black" came out around the time that Will Smith could do no wrong (we'll call it the pre-"Seven Pounds" era), and you didn't mind getting a cheesy pop-rap tune, from summer blockbuster in your head. Watching this has made me a little excited to see the third film in the series. Though, I have no desire to see a sequel to "Wild Wild West" after rewatching that music video, despite Selma Hayek.

6. U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
    From: "Batman Forever"

I'm not that big a fan of U2, and this was just one of a few great videos from the Batman film franchise (there were also great videos from Prince, Seal, Method Man, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and the Smashing Pumpkins), but this one captured the essence of the film the best. It's a bright, fast-paced music video that is also much better than the movie (again). Animated U2 in some comic panels fighting Batman, or becoming Batman, or something. Meh, it's shiny, and I like that!

5. Dr. Dre - Keep Their Heads Ringin'
    From: "Friday"

I'll admit that I put this video on a little more for the song than the video, though I still love this video. Dr. Dre steals a plane to throw a rave! Why, you may ask. Why not?! Chris Tucker, Faizon Love, and the beautiful Nia Long show up to the party. By the end of the video the crew in the tower are dancing, and Tucker and Love, as their characters from "Friday", Smokey and Big Worm, are taking off in the aircraft in an attempt to avoid the police. I like this video much better than Ice Cube's "Friday" music video, which just features a party at his house. What are you doing at your house when there is a rave being thrown by your NWA bandmate on a plane?

4. The Goops - Build Me Up Buttercup
    From: "Mallrats"

Kevin Smith directs this low-budget music video with as much style as he can pack in. The self-deprecating nature of saying that you directed because you "couldn't get Spike Jonze", and having "Mallrats" cast-mate Jason Mewes destroying a record player that is playing the original by The Foundations is great way to start. Smith continues to spoof every style of music video from the early 90's from that moment on. Throw in a few clips from the film itself, and this captures everything that was great about Kevin Smith, and his relaxed style of filmmaking.

3. Monstars - "Hit 'em High"
    From: "Space Jam"

I'm a sucker for hip-hop in the 90's, and the more awesome names you can throw on a track, the better! Take B Real (of Cypress Hill), Coolio, Method Man (of the Wu-Tand Clan), LL Cool J, and, of course, Busta Rhymes, mix with a phat-ass beat, and you have what can only be described as the best rap song (to ever be put on a movie starring Michael Jordan and Looney Tunes) ever. The video features the five artists under the guise of the villains from "Space Jam", dressed in basketball uniforms, and being awesome. I was thinking Coolio would make it on here twice, but I just couldn't find a place for "Gangsta's Paradise", despite Michelle Pfiffer being in it.

2. Public Enemy - "Fight the Power"
    From: "Do the Right Thing"

What we have here is actually the best rap song ever, and this video captures less of the film, and more of the feeling from it. The racial tension that made "Do the Right Thing" so memorable, made this video, also directed by Spike Lee, such a great watch. Chuck D lays down some controversial rhymes that made white people cringe with fear. Flava, Professor Griff, and Terminator X do their things, and the Nation of Islam are pulling security detail (just like the set of the film!). Did I say I love this song? Because, I do.

1. Bruce Springsteen - "Streets of Philadelphia"
    From: "Philadelphia"

The Boss walks through the depressing, and grimy, streets of the City of Philadelphia (I tried to not make that sound so corny). He sings about the despair and loneliness of life, as he passes by homeless men and children in a school yard. Tom Hanks makes a brief cameo, and that's what helps tie it to the movie (well, it's really just a shot from the film). Not only do I love this song, but the Academy decided to recognize it with an Oscar, and it won four Grammys. This is truly one the greatest songs of the 90's, and one of the simplest, most memorable videos I have ever witnessed.

One Extra: "Weird Al" Yankovic - "The Saga Begins"

This isn't from "Episode I", but it came out right before the movie, and it tells the entire story of the film. Yankovic's "American Pie" parody is so good, Don McLean, who originally wrote it, says he sings it in concert sometimes. I love this song, I love this artist, and I only wish it was an official song so it could have been number one. There is this awesome "Duel of the Fates" music video though.

Pass or Fail: Movies that Suck

Okay! The pun I used for the title has been used a lot, but Vampires are hot right now. You can't seem to go anywhere, or do anything without them infecting every facet of society. I like Vampires: Buffy, Angel, Nosferatu, 30 Days of Night! These are great vampire stories, unfortunately we're getting stuck with garbage like "Twilight" and "Underworld", and it's really starting to piss me off. Here are some previews I have seen very recently that involve the undead.

Fail: Dark Shadows

I don't usually start with the fail, but I just felt had to get this out of the way. I used to be a giant Tim Burton fan, until he started doing films like this. I've never seen the source material, and if it is worse than this trailer, like I've heard it is, I don't think I want to. Johnny Depp is playing another super quirky character in a another over-directed Burton film. And who else is there? Why, it's Helena Bonham Carter! Surprise, surprise! Watching this trailer just makes me wonder what happened to the man who made "Ed Wood" or "Big Fish".

Pass: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

It seems he stopped directing good movies,and started producing them instead. Why do all the hard work when you can leave it to Russian phenomenon, Timur Bekmambetov? He is slowly becoming the king of big-budget hyper-active action flicks. The kind of action movies that seemingly have no basis in reality ("Wanted"), but are fun enough to keep an audience's attention. Timur also has previous experience with vampire films, having directed two of the best of the genre in recent memory: "Night Watch" and "Day Watch". This should be one to keep your eye on.

Double Fail: I Kissed a Vampire

Try not to laugh too hard at this, because it drowns out priceless lyrics such as, "Don't tell me what to do, or I'll suck the life right out of you." Wouldn't you hate that? There is so much cheese packed into this preview: the goofy dance numbers, the shots of Grabeel hovering over his female co-star, the phrase "fang-ups"! I'm shocked somebody came up with the idea, let alone, that somebody actually green-lit this. It seems that somebody thought to their self, do you know what "Twilight" is lacking? Original pop musical numbers! I'm not interested in finding out who is to blame, I just want them to stop.

Extra Pass: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: From the season 6 episode "Once More With Feeling".

5 Favorites: Bruce Willis

Yip-ee-ki-yay, it is Bruce Willis' birthday! That rhymed! Not only is the man celebrating his birth, but he has 6 films being released this year! Whether they are good is a different story. Here are my 5 favorite performances from Rumer Willis' dad.

5. Blind Date (1987)

Because I couldn't put "Moonlighting" on this list, I will put the next best thing on it. Blake Edwards, director of films such as "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and 'The Pink Panther", made this wonderful 80's romantic comedy about a man (Willis) who gets set up with his sister-in-law's cousin (Kim Basinger), who happens to go wild when alcohol is entered into the situation. Willis is the straight-man in this madcap comedy, and plays against his wise-cracking type from his television series. Watching him break down during the worst date ever is amusing and pathetic at the same time.

4. Unbreakable (2000)

It was really a toss up between this and "The Sixth Sense", but Willis' performance in "Unbreakable" is strong and silent. His David Dunn is as vulnerable personally as he is invulnerable physically. He is slowly losing his family, and his love for his wife cost him his future as a football star. Watching him come to grips with the fact that he has super-human powers is, at times, heartbreaking. Joseph, his son, is fascinated by his father's new found powers, and this leads to some of the most memorable scenes in Shaymalan's filmography. The tense scene with the gun comes to mind.

3. Pulp Fiction (1994)

Any man who is willing to be ball gagged for a film should get a list like this. Butch Coolidge, a down and out boxer, is paid to take a dive, but kills his opponent instead, and has to go on the run. His time on the lamb is cut short when literally rams into Marcellus Wallace, the man who bribed him, and they both taken hostage by a sadistic pawn shop owner named Zed. What happens next is utterly disturbing, and equally memorable. It is so disturbing, in fact, that when shown on cable, it is completely edited out. Willis is badass as Coolidge, and when he finally unleashes with a samurai sword, the audience has no other choice but cheer him on.

2. 12 Monkeys (1996)

I don't talk about 12 Monkeys enough on this page. Terry Gilliam's masterpiece (yes, masterpiece) is so breathtakingly awesome that it still ranks among my favorite films. Brad Pitt remains my favorite part of this film, but Willis holds his own as James Cole, a prisoner sent back in time to stop an army of activists from destroying the Earth. Cole is given almost no information to help his mission, and jumps in and out of time trying to gather what he can on the Army of the 12 Monkeys. When the conclusion unravels at the airport, it blows your mind unlike anything you may have ever seen.

1. Die Hard (1988)

What else would it be? It's the greatest action film of all time, AND the greatest Christmas film of all time. Willis is Detective John Mclane, the man who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Mclane is a wise-cracking New York cop visiting his estranged wife in L.A. for the holidays, when her office party is hijacked by terrorists. It is up to John to stop them, and he is outgunned, out manned, and shoeless. The level of badassery that Willis exudes in this film has never been matched, except maybe by Liam Neeson when he was punching the crap out of wolves, no matter how many times they try to duplicate it... cough cough "Live Free or Die Hard".

Pass or Fail: American Goon

This week's Pass or Fail is a two-fer! Eugene Levy and Sean William Scott have two movies coming out this year, and I'm going to judge the living crap out of them!

Pass: American Reunion

I put this on my fifteen must see films of 2012, and with each new trailer I want to see it more. This trailer looks like it has taken everything great about the first three films, and rolled them into one movie. I absolutely love that the franchise is in the hands of the two men responsible for the "Harold and Kumar" series. They created a wonderful group of films on their own, so it's no wonder they're bringing their brand of heart-filled gross-out humor to a series that is flailing due to a string of mediocre straight-to-video sequels. With the whole cast returning to have a go at it, I'm more than excited to see this movie.


Fail: The Goon

I know most people only like hockey to watch a fight break out, but the idea behind this movie is just ridiculous. A man is put on a semi-pro hockey team just because he punches things really hard. Jay Burachel co-stars, and also co-wrote the film, as what appears to be some hockey-nut-talk-show-host who is best friends with Scott. There is a joke about the number 69 in the trailer that would be a little funny, if it wasn't cut short by Burachel pointing out how funny it is, but this hardly the only unfunny joke in the trailer. Let's not forget that this was co-written by Evan Goldberg, the man who co-wrote "The Green Hornet" with Seth Rogen.

Extra Pass: Goalie Fight!: Since most people watch hockey for the fights, here is my favorite goalie fight. DiPietro cheap shots Chris Kunitz, so Brent Johnson knocks him out WITH ONE HIT!!!

Playback (2012)

I love when a movie can make me laugh as hard as "Playback" did. I love it even more when the film is a horror movie that takes itself way too seriously. The plot centers around a small town, and a young, aspiring filmmaker's obsession over its dirty little secret. That secret being trio of murders from over a decade earlier, and the supernatural causes behind it. Writer, and director, Michael A. Nickles fails to capture a moment of suspense on screen, as he lets his actors flop with rancid dialogue. The performances are all very one-note, but that's mostly due to the characters all being one-note. This is one of those terribly bad films I enjoy watching for the amount of suck that seems to just seep out of the screen. Between this and "Beneath the Darkness", I've had plenty of that so far this year. Here's hoping I get a little bit more.

Grade: F

Starring: Johnny Pacar, Ambyr Childers, Toby Hemingway
Director: Michael A. Nickles
Writer(s): Michael A. Nickles
RT: 98 min
Rating: R for bloody violence, sexual content/nudity and some teen partying

Seeking Justice (2012)

I have decided to find the dumbest pics of Nicolas Cage.

It is only the beginning of March and I think I have taken about as much Nicolas Cage as I can. "Seeking Justice" is his latest crapfest about a man whose wife is raped and he hires a team of mercenaries to find the man who did it. The mercenaries get Cage in the old "Godfather", "One day we'll need a favor" routine, and start hunting him down when he tries to back out of the deal. Suspending my disbelief for this silly concept was easy. It was trying to buy Cage and January Jones as a married couple, or people, that was hard. Try as he might, Guy Pearce did everything to save this film, but the bad direction, and two lifeless leads made it very hard for him. I wish I would see Guy in better movies than this more often.

Grade: D

Starring: Nicolas Cage, January Jones, Guy Pearce,
Director: Roger Donaldson
Writer(s): Robert Tannen - Story: Todd Hickey & Robert Tannen
RT: 106 min
Rating: R for violence, language and brief sexuality

Other F Word, the (2011)

Swing Life Away

This was a wonderful documentary about punk rock icons who became fathers. These are the bands I grew up listening to, and now they are in a position where their identity as anti-authority figures is being compromised by trying to raise children, and they couldn't be happier. The way they talked about their fathers made me glad to grow up with such a great man as a role model. The way they talked about being fathers made me want to be that great man. This also had the best soundtrack of any film I have ever seen. This will stand along "The Filth and the Fury", "The End of the Century", "Joe Strummer: the Future is Unwritten", and "American Hardcore" as one of the great punk-rock-docs. I bet you didn't even know that was a thing.

Grade: A

Starring: Jim Lindbergh, Fat Mike, Lars Frederiksen
Director: Andrea Blaugrund Nevins
Writer(s): Andrea Blaugrund Nevins
RT: 98 min
Rating: R for people saying the word fuck, a lot.

Project X (2012)

No Sleep 'til Pasadena!

I expect to catch a lot of flack for this, but "Project X" was predictable, and yet, a lot of fun. This film has many elements I don't like: drunken partying, a Rush Limbaugh level of misogyny, and it's a found footage film. Somehow, despite all of this, I was howling with laughter, and enjoying watching a trio of friends get through a night of complete debauchery. I think it could be attributed to a dog tied to some balloons, a little person jumping from an oven to hand out nut shots like it was his job, and two hardcore preteen security guards doing unruly things. "Project X" isn't without it's problems, the lame love story for one, but, overall, I enjoyed it.

Grade: B-

Starring: Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper, Jonathan Daniel Brown
Director: Nima Nourizadeh
Writer(s): Matt Drake and Michael Bacall
RT: 88 min
Rating: R for crude and sexual content throughout, nudity, drugs, drinking, pervasive language, reckless behavior and mayhem - all involving teens

Lorax, the (2012)

Tree fallin'

There was one thing I liked about the film based on the Dr. Seuss book about the dangers of over-industrialization, and that was the credits. Usually that means I struggled through the film, which I did, until it graciously ended. This time, however, it was because after an hour and a half of loud, annoying drivel the credits displayed original Seuss art work. This made me absolutely gleeful. It ends with the art, but it all starts off with a song that explains the entire plot of the film for anyone who is unwilling to do the thinking for themselves. The unfunny joke-a-minute writing, and the minions... I mean bears and fish, make every moment of this movie drag. I think it is important to note that this was released on Dr. Seuss' birthday. Happy birthday, Theodor Geisel! I hope you enjoy horrible bastardizations of your work.

Grade: D-

Starring: Zac Efron, Betty White, Ed Helms
Director: Chris Renaud, Kyle Balda
Writer(s): Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul - Book: Dr. Seuss
RT: 86 min
Rating: PG for brief mild language

Pass or Fail: Prometheus and the Huntsman

Time to make snap judgments on two movies I haven't seen yet! Pass or Fail is turning its sights on Oscar winner Charlize Theron this week, because why not?

Pass: Prometheus

Say what you want, but I'm a sucker for the "Alien" series. I love each of them in their own right (yes, even 3 and Resurrection). Ridley Scott has said that this isn't exactly an "Alien" prequel, but it seems to have so much in common with the 1979 original, that I'm confused by this. If it is, or isn't, I don't care. This trailer is so great, it could be the prequel to "Thelma and Louise" and I would still probably want to see it 20 times. It shows so much, yet so little. It is the ultimate teaser trailer, complete with loud electronic noise to make you the slightest bit uneasy. 

Fail: Snow White and the Hunstman

When the most positive thing you can say about a trailer is, "At least it isn't 'Mirror, Mirror'", that trailer sucks. Did somebody forget to tell Charlize Theron that she doesn't have to movies like this anymore? After going ugly for "Monster", and getting some gold for it, it seems a waste to put her in Gothic retellings of fairy tales, sucking the souls from people. After Catherine Hardwicke tried this exact same thing with "Red Riding Hood" (minus the soul sucking... well, IN the movie) last year, and failing, I wouldn't think studios would be willing to go it again. Shows what I know. Throw in Thor (I am referring to the Avengers cast by character names. Do you think I'm a little excited?), and I'm starting to become disappointed in a lot of people for this trailer. At least "Mirror, Mirror" has midgets.

Extra Pass: Arrested Development: This was the best video of Charlize Theron playing Rita Leeds on Fox's cancelled, and brilliant, show "Arrested Development".

5 Favorites: Eddie Murphy

Do you remember Eddie Murphy? I do. He's been lost somewhere in the shuffle of horrible films since around 2001, and I miss him. With "A Thousand Words" being released this Friday into theatres everywhere, I figured we should mourn the death of an Oscar Nominee's career. This week I will fondly look back on a once great filmography. Eddie, come back!

5. Shrek (2001)

Though this isn't Eddie Murphy's last great film, it seems he can't string two of them together. For every good film we get two "Norbit"s or "Meet Dave"s. Murphy plays Donkey, a talking donkey (go figure) in a world of mystical fairy tale creatures. It's obvious that the character was written around him to be the kind of wise-cracking smartass that he often plays. The character is talkative, funny and often sweet. There is a depth to him that doesn't exist in many comedy sidekicks, and Murphy brings it out with gusto and charm.

4. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

Speaking of wise-cracking smartasses, Axel Foley! It's hard to not love Eddie Murphy as the scheming, goofy detective from Detroit trying to solve the murder of his friend. He's clever and quick on his feet, and knows how to handle any situation thrown his way. This is also one of those rare occasions that I actually like the sequel better than the original, but I have to put the original up here, because, let's face it, these are comedies, and characters don't always grow in comedies. So, two sequels and Axel's dumb-luck keeps getting him out of the same jams.

3. Trading Places (1983)

Ok, so Eddie Murphy didn't always show a lot of range in his choosing of films, but he stayed with what made him a star, the wise-cracking smartass. In "Trading Places" he's the poor version. He starts the film thinking up elaborate ways to beg for money, by the end he's taking two old, rich gentlemen for everything they're worth. In between that he throws down a hilarious performance as both a uneducated beggar and a distinguished gentleman.

2. Dreamgirls (2006)

As James "Thunder' Early, a composite of Motown singers James Brown and Marvin Gaye, Murphy stole this movie (almost as much as Jennifer Hudson did). He brought enough energy to share with the rest of the cast, and gave a heartbreaking turn as his star began to fade. The Academy saw fit to rob him of a well deserved Oscar, and give it to Alan Arkin instead. Not that I don't like Alan Arkin, I just didn't think the film he was nominated for was really that good. This was one of my top 10 of 2006, and Murphy was a big reason for that.

1. Coming to America (1988)

This is possibly the most quotable film on this list. Not that that gives it any higher merit, but I can't even type this without replaying some of the incredible dialogue in my head, and then snickering like an idiot. Though this may be the film to blame for Eddie's obsession with playing the entire cast in every film, I still love him in it. He moved from the wise-cracking smartass, to the straight man in this film. Playing Prince Akeem, he got to be the fish out of water. Akeem is a naive young African man trying to find an intelligent wife in New York, and Murphy plays it so earnestly.