Pass: Safe House:
Honestly, I'm sure I want to see this film that badly, but this action packed trailer at least sells the illusion of how good it can be. Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds are only a few faces that make me hope this isn't a pile of absolute crap. Brendan Gleeson, Vera Farmiga, Sam Shepard, and Robert Patrick all show up to the party. T-1000 then decides to waterboard Denzel, and a whole bunch of shooting starts. Set to the soundtrack of Jay-Z and Kanye West's "No Church in the Wild", with Frank Ocean crooning lines like, "What a king to a god? What's a god to a non-believer?", it feels a little difficult to not want to watch this trailer a few times in a row.
Fail: Safe
Do you remember when Bruce Willis made this movie in the '90s, and it was called "Mercury Rising"? Well, it happened, and it was probably much better than this one is going to be. Statham is playing some random guy who decided to take matters into his own hands when he sees some other random guys trying to kidnap a little Asian girl. The girl is being hunted because she saw some numbers, and of course the little Asian girl is good with numbers, because what Asian kid doesn't love the hell out of math? This trailer is made super boring by the bad samples of dialogue, and the music underscoring it. The other trailer had Jigga and Yeezy making magic, this one has Tool reject band, A Perfect Circle, singing some boring song about being forcefully penetrated by a tire iron, or something. And will someone tell what is wrong the subtitles at the end of this trailer? Pick a size and stick with it Boaz Yakin! This isn't some Denis Leary Ford commercial.
Extra Pass: Clerks: the Animated Series: Randall and Dante torture a costumer (voiced by Brian Posehn) by using the most famous line from "Marathon Man"!
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