Wanderlust (2012)

There are always moments in improv comedies where the actors keep making riffs on the same joke and it becomes very cloying for the audience. "Wanderlust" had many of these moments, and a few of them went on much longer than they should have. However, when the film was funny, it was really good, but when it wasn't, it dragged horribly. The one thing I always love about films featuring, or written by, members of MTV's sketch comedy show "The State" is playing the game "Spot the Former Castmates". I got up to six in this one, including Wain himself, as a weatherman.

Grade: C+

Starring: Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston, Alan Alda
Directed: David Wain
Writer(s): David Wain & Ken Marino
RT: 98 min
Rating: R for sexual content, graphic nudity, language and drug use

Act of Valor (2012)

SEALs of approval.

"Act of Valor" is actually two movies: a decent action flick, and a really bad human drama. The characters, played by actual Navy SEALs, are noticably most comfortable when in combat situations. They bark orders, and move through hostile areas without a problem. Bringing to life a few very nail biting scenes, but some of the camera work is inadvisable. It becomes very hard to enjoy an action sequence when it is being shot in first person (I sat waiting for health and ammo stats to pop up on screen). The SEALs execute their lines with much less precision than their adversaries, and this makes any scene without shooting hard to digest. People are calling this film nothing but propaganda, but I'm okay with that, because I believe propaganda has its place in cinema. This film, on the other hand, doesn't have a very good one.

Grade: C-

Starring: Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
Director: Kurt Mike McCoy, Scott Waugh
Writer(s): Kurt Johnstad
RT: 111 min
Rating: R for strong violence including some torture, and for language

Gone (2012)

The love is Gone

I love movies that have appropriate titles! "Incredibles" was incredible. "Fantastic Mr. Fox" was fantastic. "Gone" will be just that in a couple of weeks. This flaccid thriller couldn't hold my attention for any reason. The writing was clumsy, the acting was far from good (from a stellar cast at that), and the cinematography was questionable (did the whole movie have to be blue?). I also spent the whole film wondering why Amanda Seyfried can't find a movie worth her considerable talents. She was great in "Mean Girls" and on HBO's "Big Love", why does she kept ending up in movies like this?

Grade: D

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Daniel Sunjata, Wes Bentley
Director: Heitor Dhalia
Writer(s): Allison Burnett
RT: 93 min
Rating: PG-13 for violence and terror, some sexual material, brief language and drug references

Good Deeds, Tyler Perry's (2012)

Mr. Perry goes to town

I'm lukewarm on Tyler Perry. His comedies aren't great, but his dramas tend to be touching, and very human, but a little over-dramatic at points. Perry knows how to get honestly moving performances out of his star filled casts, which he does here, and it works to "Good Deeds'" benefit. The film is already an outlandish concept, one explored many times by Hollywood, and some of the things that happen throughout are a little unbelievable. The often corny writing is offset by real emotion and wonderful actors that speed the film to its inevitable conclusion.

Grade: C+

Starring: Tyler Perry, Thandie Newton, Phylicia Rashad
Director: Tyler Perry
Writer(s): Tyler Perry
RT: 111 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual content, language, some violence and thematic material

Friday's List: Top 10 Worst Oscar Snubs of 2011

Every year when the Oscar nominations come out there are people or movies the Academy doesn't seem to want to recognize. So, with each nomination day comes a lot of complaining about how they "got it wrong". Now that I have a forum, I can effectively make a list like this, and complain about where the voting committee messed up... again. I'm going to keep it to one entry per category, so despite the fact that I think two films should have been nominated over "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" for Best Picture, I'm going to refrain from making this the 40 movie this year that were better than that one, and so on.

10. The Muppets (Best Song)

I know, I know! "The Muppets" got nominated for Best Original Song, but is one enough? They only nominated two songs in the category, the academy could have nominated "Life's a Happy Song" or "Pictures in My Head". At the very least "Let's Talk About Me", the hysterical rap from the character  that inspired Fox News to cry anti-capitalist wolf, could have picked up a nod. This would not have been the first time a single film picked up multiple nominations for Original Song. "Beauty and the Beast", 'The Lion King", "Enchanted", and "Dreamgirls" all picked up three, but in 2008 the Academy decided that three was too many, and scaled it back to two. That still should have given "The Muppets" one more.

What shouldn't have gotten nominated: With only two nominations in the category, there was nothing I would have dropped.

What should win: "Man or Muppet" - Bret McKenzie
What will probably win: "Man or Muppet" - Bret McKenzie

9. Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (Best Documentary Feature)

This was a very entrancing documentary about one man's inability to stay still, and his spiral toward self destruction after being screwed over by a network that promised him so much. I'll be honest, and say that I have not seen a single documentary on the list this year. I don't know what is good, and what isn't, but this film was spectacular, and when at his most vulnerable, O'Brien became a sympathetic character that was hard to not watch.

What shouldn't have gotten nominated: Based solely on the plot synopses of the five film nominated, I would say "Undefeated" which sounds like a pretty good film.

What should win: "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
What will probably win: "Hell and Back Again"

8. War Horse (Best Director - Steven Spielberg)

How did Spielberg direct the most epic film of the year, and not get nominated for it? This film fired on every cylinder, and the beautiful direction shined through every well shot frame. Cinematographer Janusz Kaminski got his nomination, and there is no reason the he shouldn't have, but where is the wunderkind's? He has two directing Oscars already, but this may the best film he has done since 1998's "Saving Private Ryan", but I don't think that discredits the marvel that was "Munich"

What shouldn't have gotten nominated: "Tree of Life" - Terrence Malick. If you didn't know, I did not enjoy this movie at all.

What should win: Hugo - Martin Scorsese
What will probably win: Hugo - Martin Scorsese

7. Hugo: (Best Supporting Actress - Chloe Grace Moretz)

Sometimes children are just better actors, and Moretz has shown nothing but incredible poise in her young career. I don't know why this movie didn't get one single acting nomination. The ensemble was top notch, and there was not a single weak performance in the bunch. The two leads brought the audience into this world, and kept you interested in an adventure that lead them trough the greatest love letter to cinema I've ever witnessed.

Who shouldn't have gotten nominated: Jessica Chastain - "The Help". This is a cheesy performance in a decent film.

Who should win: Melissa McCarthy - "Bridesmaids"
Who will proabably win: Octavia Spencer - "The Help"

6. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Sound Mixing/Sound Editing)

This was such an enjoyable action film, and usually when an action film this good comes around, the Academy recognizes it with a few technical awards. Not this year. There were a few good films in the bunch, and a couple that didn't have exceptional sound mixing/editing. Everything about this film was phenomenal: the chases, the sand storm, the explosions. Brad Bird presented a wall of sound, and made it believable.

What shouldn't have gotten nominated: Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Saying that this is an Oscar nominated film hurts as bad as saying possible Presidential Nominee Ron Paul.

What should win: Hugo
What will probably win: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

5. Drive (Best Supporting Actor - Albert Brooks)

Albert Brooks may not have won this category if nominated, but his hauntingly violent performance in "Drive was among one of the best of the year. He plays against type, and makes one frightening Jewish mob boss. A lack of a nomination for anyone  in this film should be considered criminal.

Who shouldn't have been nominated: Nick Nolte - "Warrior". I have nothing against Nick Nolte, or this film, but out of the five nominees, he's the only one I wouldn't have thought to nominate in the first place.

Who should win: Christoper Plummer - "Beginners"
Who will probably win: Christopher Plummer - "Beginners"

4. Young Adult (Best Actress - Charlize Theron)

Theron was absolutely vile in "Young Adult". She was immature, brutal, and, for lack of a better term, a complete bitch. Watching her destroy herself was an absolute joy. This performance was one of the best of the year, and my jaw hit the floor when it wasn't nominated. There were one or two people who didn't deserve itin this category. Their spot could have gone to Theron.

Who shouldn't have been nominated: Meryl Streep - "The Iron Lady". A yawner of a movie, and a mediocre performance not worthy of time, let alone an Oscar.

Who should win: Rooney Mara - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
Who will probably win: Michelle Williams - "My Week with Marilyn"

3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Best Picture)

Only 9 Best Picture nominations this year, and one of them was NOT David Fincher's adaptation of Steig Larsson's novel! Why? "The Help" got nominated, and it was half as good as this movie. You can make the argument that it didn't do anything to expand on the original film, but that doesn't matter. Anyone coming into this film blind, would walk away with a visceral film experience.

What shouldn't have been nominated: "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close". Why? Just, why?

What should win: Hugo
What will probably win: The Artist

2. The Ides of March (Best Actor - Ryan Gosling... or "Drive")

This was the year of Gosling! Where did his nominations go? "Ides of March" and "Drive" were two very strong, very different performances, and he made them both work in glorious fashion. Add his sauve turn in "Crazy Stupid Love", and you have a full range of what this young man is capable of. I also wanted to put Asa Butterfield from Hugo on here, but this snub was much worse.

Who shouldn't have been nominated: Demian Bichir - "A Better Life". He's a dark horse nomination, and Gosling would be too, but three great roles, and no nominations is a horrible oversight.

Who should win: Gary Oldman - "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy"
Who will probably win: George Clooney - "The Descendants"

1. The Adventures of Tintin (Best Animated Feature)

What were you idiots thinking? "Tintin" was one of the best films of the holiday season, nay, THE YEAR! Yet, you nominate forgettable fare like "Rio" and "Puss in Boots". I realize it's difficult to expect the Academy to take a catergory seriously when they continue to just write off the entire medium of film making. Animated films are not a genre, just like foreign film, and deserve a modicum of respect. This was a great film, by one of the all time great directors, so what happened?

What shouldn't have been nominated: "Puss in Boots". A lame cash in on a once good series.

What should win: Who cares? Without "Tintin" there are no strong contenders.
What will probably win: "Rango"

Pass or Fail: And "so-n-so" as themselves...

Celebrity cameos have been around forever. It's an easy way to make a few bucks, and not have to really do anything. You show up for a couple of hours, go by your real name, and disappear for the rest of the film. I'm not against this in any way. In fact, I love it most of the time. It's an easy joke, and celebrities often do a great at making fun of themselves in the process. Sometimes, I just don't get why you would even bother (Bill O' Reilly in Transformers 3? Really?). Here are two trailers that feature celebrities as themselves.

Pass: Think Like a Man

You probably watched this, and thought, "Why is this a pass?" The answer is simple: I love black comedies. They're often over-the-top, silly, and genuine. This film also happens to be directed by Tim Story, who directed "Barbershop", a fantastic black comedy. Though he hasn't done anything since then to warrant me being excited, he's back in his element now, and with what I can only describe as the black version of a Garry Marshall holiday-titled film. I do love most of this cast, and Kevin Hart seems to be especially on top of his game in this trailer. "Think Like a Man" may not be a great film, maybe not even good one, but this trailer makes me laugh.

Fail: The Three Stooges

I like the Farrelly Brothers ('Kingpin", "Stuck On You"), I love the Three Stooges, and I hate everything that happens in this trailer. The Stooges don't seem like a hard formula, right? Fist + Face (Heavy Object + Crotch) = instant laughs, and a good time for all. Why is this not funny? What happened to the guys who made "There's Something About Mary"? What the hell is Snuggie (or whatever her troll name is) doing in this trailer?! I get that poking her in the eyes is supposed to be funny, but it's a worse decision than putting Scrappy in the first "Scooby-Doo" movie. I don't want to see them made fun of. I want to ignore them. This looks like a real groaner, and I can't wait until I'm forced to see it, because I started a movie review blog about hating horrible films!

Extra Pass: Extras: Daniel Radcliffe as himself! Ricky Gervais is the absolute best at poking fun of celebrity, and all it encompasses.

Pass or Fail: A Tale of Two Trailers

Ok! I'm a pretty sensitive guy, but sometimes sensitivity goes a little too far. I hold the belief that if you can't laugh about everything, there is no point in having a sense of humor. This IS, however, coming from a guy who uses humor as a defense mechanism when life gets too real (I would post examples, but I know a few people who I don't want to be in trouble with). There are things that should maybe be off limits, but that feels like a cop out. Nothing should be sacred. Nothing should be held in a higher regard than anything else. I know this seems like a bit of a odd rant, but I assure you there is a point.

Pass: The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Oh man, does this look hysterical. Pirates, lepers, giant whales, A MONKEY WITH CUE CARDS!!! Aardman Entertainment has done some exceptional work in the past, and I look forward to this movie.

Fail: The Pirates! Band of Misfits

In case you didn't bother to watch this trailer, and you're wondering why I posted the same trailer twice, it's because they took out the lepers, and replaced them with ghosts! Aardman Entertainment has given in to criticism from a charity named Lepra Health in Action for "poking fun" at people with leprocy. I realize that leprosy is a serious illness, and it could be very horrible to live with, but isn't a small joke in a kid's comedy. Get over it! You don't see cancer  survivors getting in a twist every time someone makes a joke about their horrible disease. Boo on you Aardman! Booooooooo!

Extra Pass: How it Should Have Ended: If you saw any of the awful sequels to Disney's "Pirates" franchise, and had the reaction that normal people had (contempt), here is the cure for the bad taste they left in your mouth.

The Secret World of Arrietty (2012)

Small change.

Studio Ghibli does another fantastic job with this adaptation of "The Borrowers". "Arrietty" starts when a young man named Shawn, Sho in the Japanese version, is sent to his aunt's house to recover from illness. He stumbles upon Arrietty Clock, and her family, living in the floorboards of the house. Director Hiromasa Yonebayashi crafts a captivating tale of friendship and adventure, presenting a believable world of danger for the tiny Clock family. Hayao Miyazaki's script is light-hearted and funny, giving the audience characters to care about, and a plot that never gets dull. This is the first of my 15 must see movies to be released this year (I put it at #3), and I couldn't have more pleased.

Grade: A

Starring (voices): Bridgit Mendler, David Henrie, Carol Burnett
Director: Hiromasa Yonebayashi
Writer(s): Hayao Miyazaki & Keiko Niwa - Novel: Mary Norton
RT: 94 min
Rating: G

Friends With Kids (2012)

How bene-fitting.

I love Jennifer Westfeldt's writing! It feels wonderfully personal and honest, and her characters don't fit stereotypes, they're layered, and flawed. They make snap decisions and suffer consequences for them. "Friends With Kids" is her new dramedy about two really close friends who decide to have a child together, while maintaining a platonic relationship. It's packed with some of modern comedy's best actors. Not just the funniest, but the most well-equipped to handle the range of emotion required for the weighty material. Though it does happen to follow the formula that romantic comedies tend to have, its strong performances and witty dialogue make it a cut above in a genre that is off to a great start this year!

Grade: B+

Starring: Jessica Westfeldt, Adam Scott, Chris O' Dowd
Director: Jessica Westfeldt
Writer(s): Jessica Westfeldt
RT: 105 min
Rating: R

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

...sigh

Here is the prime example of a franchise that could have used a complete reboot. It was nice to see the directors steer away from the absolute cartoony-ness of the 2006 film, but they completely ruined it by keeping Cage in the title role. Cage hams up every second of screen time he has. He shouts lines in goofy voices that I'm pretty sure aren't necessary, and delivers his "funny" lines with this "I'm being funny now" attitude that kills each punchline the moment he utters it. The writing itself could have used a bit more of a tune-up, despite the involvement of "Batman Begins" scribe David S. Goyer. I saw some interesting things going on with the film: the special effects were better than the first one, the cinematography was great in certain spots, and there were a few spot-on performances from Violante Placido, Idris Elba, and Christopher Lambert (in a very small, you almost don't recognize him, role). This just wasn't enough to bring this movie above Nicolas Cage.

Grade: D+

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Violante Placido, Idris Elba
Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
Writer(s): Scott M. Gimple & Seth Hoffman and David S. Goyer (also story)
RT: 95 min
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, some disturbing images, and language

Roadie (2012)

A film about a man who is fired from his gig as as roadie for Blue Oyster Cult, hence the title. The film doesn't do much, but follow him around his hometown, which he hasn't been to in almost two decades. He visits his mother, sees some old friends in a bar, and some drama happens, and that's about it. It really goes nowhere. There are movies that follow this coming home formula that I have liked, but nothing seems that important in this one. Ron Eldard's Jimmy lies to everyone he knows, and gets drunk. His life is boring, and, in turn, it makes the film very boring. By the time everything reaches the climax, it just doesn't seem to matter. Many of the actors do a good enough job, but this just isn't an interesting film.

Grade: C-

Starring: Ron Eldard, Bobby Cannavale, Jill Hennessy
Director: Michael Cuesta
Writer(s): Gerald Cuesta, Michael Cuesta
RT: 95 min
Rating: R for pervasive language and some drug content

One For the Money (2012)

Jive-less-turkey

Every moment of this film felt like, what I assume, being waterboarded must feel like. Katherine Heigl, also serving as producer, slips in and out of a Jersey accent (mostly out), and embarrasses herself to no end. The rest of the misguided, but very talented, cast doesn't fare too well either. The premise, based on a novel by Janet Evanovich, is absolutely stupid, and the dialogue drags the film into unbearably silly places. I really don't feel like a film that centers around a female bounty hunter, M.M.A. fighters, and hookers, should have been anywhere near this bad. Julie Anne Robinson, you should be ashamed. ASHAMED!

Grade: F

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Jason O'Mara, Debbie Reynolds (for some reason)
Director: Julie Anne Robinson
Writer(s): Stacy Sherman & Karen Ray and Liz Brixius - Novel: Janet Evanovich
RT: 91 min
Rating: PG-13 for violence, sexual references and language, some drug material and partial nudity

This Means War (2012)

Life's a riot!

I used to love McG's music videos. They were bright, flashy, and fun. So, when he turned his sights on the world of film, like many video directors, I was worried, and excited. Unfortunately, his first two films were the horrible "Charlie's Angels" movies, and I thought it would never get better. But it has. With each film I like him a little more, and with "This Means War", I may be crazy about him. McG directs a trio of very likable leads in great romantic-action-comedy that is surprisingly funny and endearing. The action sequences are bright, flashy and fun, and the writing sizzles with wit and humor. Though it does have its flaws, "This Means War" is worth the time.

Grade: B+

Starring: Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon
Director: McG
Writer(s): Timothy Dowling and Simon Kinberg - Story: Timothy Dowling and Marcus Gautesen
RT: 98 min
Rating: R for some sexual content

Journey 2: the Mysterious Island (2012)

Jules Burned.

The first ten minutes of "Journey 2" manage to breeze through the plot and character arcs of the film as fast as they can. Why would you need to spend more time on them, right? There are sloppily thrown together 3D effects to be seen! Though there aren't really any bad performances in the film, except Luis Guzman, who let me down in a big way, there really aren't any memorable ones. The Gunns' script takes as many simple twists as possible, because you don't want the kids to have to think about too much. I left this film with an apathetic feeling toward it, and a dreadful feeling towards its promise of a third one.

Grade: C-

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine

Director: Brad Peyton

Writer(s): Brian Gunn & Mark Gunn - Story: Richard Outten - Novel: Jules Verne

RT: 94 min

Rating: PG for some adventure action, and brief mild language

The Vow (2012)

Who's on first?

There is nothing I love more than a heartwrenchingly beautiful love story. Which is what "The Vow" could have been, had it not been for an incredibly forced third act. I will say that Channing Tatum is not the most skilled actor, well, he's not much of an actor at all, and in this film he does seem a little out his element. A fact which doesn't seem to hinder the first two-thirds of film. Instead, his awkwardness, and boyish grin, lend themselves well to a man trying to win over his memory impaired wife. Rachel McAdams fits decently as his wife, and Sam Neill plays her plotting father ever so wonderfully, but it's the deceptively honest script that won me over. Until the big reveal that kicked off the last 15 or 20 minutes of the film.

Grade: B

Starring: Rachel McAdams, Channing Tatum, Sam Neill

Director: Michael Sucsy

Writer(s): Jason Katims, Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein - Story: Stuart Sender

RT: 104 min

Rating: PG-13 for an accident scene, sexual content, partial nudity and some language

Underworld: Awakening (2012)

She shot me down. 

I would like to thank the director of this movie for deciding to do a recap of the first two installments, because I don't remember a damn thing that happened in either them. They were both forgettable, poorly made tripe, and this one seems like it is destined to follow in their footsteps. Bad writing, terrible acting, and laughable special effects all play a role in making this a highly uninteresting bore of a theatre going experience. The most glorious part of this film is its merciful 88 minute running time. Makes me a little less anxious about "Twilight 4.5", and I didn't think that was possible.

Grade: D

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Michael Ealy, India Eisley
Director: Mans Marlind & Bjorn Stein
Writer(s): Len Wiseman & John Hlavin and J. Michael Straczynski and Allison Burnett
RT: 88 min
Rating: R for strong violence and gore, and for some language

Safe House (2012)

"No, I did not see 'Two Guys, and a Girl'"

"Safe House" may have been a by-the-numbers action flick, with quick edit fights, grainy cinematography, and pretty people doing not so pretty things, but I can't say I didn't enjoy myself. Denzel Washington is dependable, and Ryan Reynolds finally gives the kind of low-key character driven performance I knew he was capable of. After "The Change-Up" and "Green Lantern" I was beginning to worry. The actor I was most pleased with, however, was Bredan Gleeson. An actor who really seems to love what he does on screen every time I see him. Overall, not a bad film, but not one I could highly reccommend.

Grade: C+

Starring: Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Daniel Espinoza
Writer(s): David Guggenheim
RT: 115 min
Rating: R for strong violence throughout and some language

Pass or Fail: Manson's Got it Covered

Do you remember the 90's? Of course you do! Tom Hanks could do no wrong, gas prices were reasonable, and Marilyn Manson was going to turn the world into an orgy of Satan worship. Well, all those things have changed, and now, not only is Marilyn Manson not a threat to the unsuspecting public, but he's okay for mass consumption! Directors, or producers, or trailer companies, or whoever the hell puts these thing together these days, have decided that Manson is the best way to start shilling their products. Here are two trailers that use their music, and more specifically, these are two covers off of the 1995 breakthrough album, "Smells Like Children".

Pass: Wrath of the Titans

I reserve every right to wrong about both of these films. Honestly, I wasn't big on the remake of "Clash of the Titans". It had its moments of pure action goodness, but overall felt a little hollow. "Wrath" looks pretty awesome, and I'm shocked to hear myself saying this. Maybe it is the way the trailer effectively used Manson's cover of The Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", or maybe it's the giant fire monster wreaking everybody's day. I don't know what it is, but it sure isn't Sam Worthington. The stakes look higher, the creatures look cooler, and Liam Neeson is amazing (and slowly becoming the hero of this blog). I can't explain it, but this trailer really makes me want to see this movie.

Fail: Cabin in the Woods

I hope I'm wrong about this movie. I really want to be wrong. Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard doing a horror seems right, but looks so wrong. The trailer seems like they went down a check list to make sure they didn't miss any cliches. Attractive teens taking a trip? Check. Creepy local hillbillies? Check. Remote place in the middle of nowhere? Check! Seemingly meta references to how things are done in horror movies? Check! I'm going to see this one without question, but not because of this trailer. All this trailer makes me want to do is rewatch "Angel" and "Firefly" to get ready for the spectacle that will be "The Avengers".

Extra Pass: Clone High: This isn't a cover, but holy crap is this funny! And yes, that is actually the voice of Marilyn Manson singing. Thank you MTV for at least giving us one season of this joyous show!

Grey, the (2012)

Grey Matters

Survival is the word of the day as Liam Neeson leads a group of six survivors from a plane crash through the Alaskan wilderness. Oh, and they have to fend off a pack of wolves. Full of suspense and moments of shocking violence make "The Grey" a worthy "Man vs. Nature" style action film. It's hard to fault the film for some of its predictable twists and turns, because with the stunning visuals and performances it stays so high energy, and keeps you on the edge of your seat. Neeson is exceedingly excellent, but I'm sure we all expected that.

Grade: A-

Starring: Liam Neeson, Dermot Mulroney, Frank Grillo
Director: Joe Carnahan
Writer(s): Joe Carnahan, Ian Mackenzie Jeffers - Short Story: Ian Mackenzie Jeffers
RT: 117 min
Rating: R for violence/disturbing content including bloody images, and for pervasive language

Big Miracle (2012)

Gotta get you trapped under Ice.

Why must people continue to put Drew Barrymore in movies? She can't act, she has one facial expression, and when she "cries" I have an easier time believing that some squirted lemon juice in her face. Yet, I don't hate a lot of films she's in. "Big Miracle" was one of those films, despite Barrymore trying her hardest to ruin it. The supporting cast had so much depth and talent, and the script was mildly conventional, but not overly cheesy. Director Ken Kwapis, who has had a few missteps in his career, knows how to capture wonderfully tender moments without the slightest hint of irony (look at the "One Little Star" sequence from "Follow That Bird"). I wouldn't rush out to see this, but it was definitely not a waste of time.

Grade: B-

Starring: Drew Barrymore, John Krasinski, Ted Danson

Director: Ken Kwapis

Writer(s): Jack Amiel, Michael Begler - Novel - Thomas Rose

RT: 107 min

Rating: PG for language

Woman in Black, the (2012)

Scary Potter

"The Woman in Black" may be the most suspenseful horror film I have seen in a long time. Its scares are predictable, but still manage to get you with loud, shrill music cues. Daniel Radcliffe moves on from the Harry Potter franchise with ease, giving a chilling portrayal of a widowed lawyer tasked with cleaning out a haunted mansion after the death its owner. The movie is shot and edited beautifully, flushing out many tense, and silent moments of a well written script. I got a lot more from this film than I expected, and it is going on a very short list of very good PG-13 horror films.

Grade: A-

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Janet McTeer, Ciaran Hinds
Director: James Watkins
Writer(s): Jane Goldman - Novel: Susan Hill
RT: 95 min
Rating: PG-13 for thematic material and violence/disturbing images

Beneath the Darkness (2012)

Ham and Cheese

Sometimes you have to wonder how someone as talented as Dennis Quaid ends up in films as bad as "Beneath the Darkness". And you know it is bad when his hammy performance is the best thing about it. It's a horror film that lacks all tension, and most of that is through the underwhelming performances of the young cast. Bruce Wilkinson's script is transparent, telegraphing every major plot turn scenes before you see it happen. The dialogue fumbles out the cast's mouths, and they hit every horror movie cliche with each bland sentence uttered. There really isn't anything redeeming about this film, and I would suggest staying as far away form this film possible, despite Quaid's name above the title .

Grade: F

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Aimee Teegarden, Tony Oller
Director: Martin Guigui
Writer(s): Bruce Wilkinson
RT: 96 min
Rating: R for some violence and language

Rampart (2011)

How the LAPD says hello.

Oren Moverman's "Rampart" is a fascinating film about a corrupt cop who has managed to find himself in hot water after brutally beating a man on camera. Woody Harrelson plays David, the corrupt cop, with a unerring swagger, and a quiet sadness. He makes him highly detestable, with his rascist and sexist behavior, but at the same time, you see he is broken, and has trouble relating to other people. Moverman and James Ellroy's script is filled with unnerving political and racial tension with dialogue that hits with a glorious punch, and Harrelson's delivery is spot on (so is the who's who of a supporting cast). The editing seems a little too choppy at times when it doesn't need to, and breaks up a few scenes that would might have landed a bit better without it. This doesn't take away from how gritty and shocking the film can be at times, it just doesn't help.

Grade: B+

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Ice Cube, Ben Foster
Director: Oren Moverman
Writer(s): Oren Moverman, James Ellroy
RT: 108 min
Rating: R for pervasive language, sexual content and some violence

Chronicle (2012)

Just-us League 

At its heart "Chronicle" is very good, witty sci-fi film. On the surface it just doesn't seem to try. I wanted to like this film, and I did enjoy quite a bit of it, but the found footage style editing, and under acting from the three leads, made it a little difficult. The story is just another "don't pick on the moody loner, because he could be capable of more than you think" plot line that ends in the mass destruction of Seattle. Dane DeHaan plays Andrew, the aforementioned loner, who gains superpowers from unexplained source found in an underground cavern along with his cousin (Alex Russell) and the most popular kid in school ("Friday Night Lights'" Michael B. Jordan). The three test their powers and make discoveries together until Andrew gets out of control, because he's a moody loner, and that is what moody loners do. The writing is good in spots but never lets you really care about any of the characters, who are more stereotypes than people, and the editing is so quick they only seem to be there as camera transportation anyway (no matter how implausible it is that they would keep it around). If it would have been a straight forward film, I feel like Josh Trank and Max Landis could have had something worth seeing.

Grade: C-

Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan
Director: Josh Trank
Writer: Max Landis - Story: Max Landis & Josh Trank
RT: 83 min
Rating: PG-13 for intense action and violence, thematic material, some language, sexual content and teen drinking

5 Favorites: Jamie Foxx

Another entry for 5 favorites during Black History Month, and this week I'm looking at Jamie Foxx. A stand-up comedian turned sketch comedy star when he was cast on "In Living Color" in the early 90's (my second "In Living Color" alum for 5 favorites). In 1996 Foxx was given his own show by the W.B., and began, what would become, his illustrious film career with roles in "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" and "The Great White Hype". In 2004 he was nominated for two Oscars, these are, so far, his only two nominations. He earned one for Best Supporting in Michael Mann's "Collateral" and one for Best Actor for Taylor Hackford's "Ray", which he won. So, now to the list!

5. Booty Call (1997)

This is one of those picks where I know there are a few, maybe more, performances that could go on this list instead, but this is Jamie Foxx before he was the A list actor he is today. "Booty Call" is a goofy safe-sex comedy in which Foxx plays Tommy Davidson's (another "In Living Color" vet) wingman, as Davidson is trying to consummate his new relationship. Foxx is extremely funny as Bunz (yes, you read that correctly), a character who is dragged all around the city by his friend looking for needed materials to make his night go a little smoother. Fresh off of "In Living Color", and his new sitcom, he shows beautiful comedic timing in a film that may not be all that funny, but it does hold a certain place in my heart, because this was before Black Comedies had to have cross-dressing to sell to wide audiences.

4. Jarhead (2005)

You can almost see the channeling of R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket) in this role. Foxx plays Staff Sgt. Sykes in Anthony Swofford's tale of combat, or lack there of. He's the commander of a platoon in Kuwait who can't seem to get into battle, but are instead sent to protect oil fields. His drill instructor scenes at the beginning of the film are where the spirit of Ermey seem most prevalent. He leads his squad through the deserts, and even gives a bit a sage advice to Swofford (played beautifully by Jake Gyllenhaal).

3. Dreamgirls (2006)

Look at that sleazy smile. Those shifty eyes. That horrible haircut. It isn't hard to see why Bill Condon would pick Foxx to play fast-talking Curtis Taylor Jr. in the adaptation of the 1981 Broadway musical, putting his music degree from United States International University to work. He brings a certain charm to the role, and gives him an almost devil-in-disguise feel. You want to like him at first, but his ruthless management tactics put an end to that. And, when Jennifer Hudson's Effie is crooning "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" at him, as he walks out her, you begin to downright hate him with each mournful, "You're gonna love me".

2. Collateral (2004)

Michael Mann cast Jaime as Max, a cab driver with big dreams, in this pulse-pounding thriller. This was among my favorite films of 2004, and Foxx was a big reason for that. His timid performance, as he is held hostage, and made to take hitman Tom Cruise around L.A. in one night, is marvelous. He sells the fear as he watches the body count rise, and the danger become more and more real. The scene in which the two men visit Max's ailing mother (played by the always delightful Irma P. Hall) in the hospital is especially terrifying, because you're not absolutely sure how it might end, and you can see it in Foxx's eyes the whole time. It did never make sense to me how he is the main character of the piece, and only managed to pull off a Best Supporting nod for this charming performance. There is barely a frame that doesn't have him in it.

1. Ray (2004)

There are a few times every year when I watch a film, and forget that I'm watching a well known actor play somebody else. Such was the case with "Ray". At no point in this movie were you watching Jamie Foxx play Ray Charles. Jamie WAS Ray Charles. He played the role with such a pitch perfect mimic, that you never saw his personality peek through. This is the moment that Foxx established himself as an A list leading man in Hollywood. Despite his "In Living Color" co-star, Jim Carrey, being unable to reel in the Oscar for his performance in "Man on the Moon", for an equally perfect biopic performance, he got one. He hasn't been nominated since, but I doubt that means he won't be back. 

2011: My 20 Most Hated Films

2011 had its moments of pure triumph, and then it had these 20 poor excuses for cinema. 20 films that made me, and most other people, squirm in their seats wondering how much longer they would have to endure the tragedies that were unfolding before them. To show what critics consensus was on the film, I'm going to put the Rotten Tomatoes percentage next to each title, hoping to prove I'm not alone. Now, for the most part, I tried to stay away from crappy movies this year. So, if there isn't something on this list that you think belongs, there is a chance that I didn't see it. For the past few weeks though, I tried to watch as many terrible movies as possible. So, please let me know. I would love to hear what you have to say. I promise.

20. Mars Needs Moms (37%)

Everyone was so busy complaining about how let down they were by "Cars 2", they apparently forgot to see Disney's poor attempt at cashing in on Pixar's popularity. The motion capture tech seems a little bit behind its contemporaries. The dead eyes didn't help all of the bored sounding voice-over actors in the movie. I expect so much more from the studio that was smart enough to produce films like "The Muppets". 

Most Embarrassing Moment: Dan Fogler

19. The Green Hornet (44%)

I've not yet begun to be okay with Hollywood ruining every good thing that was on television. From "The A Team" to "Transformers", nothing is sacred to the modern day film industry. When ever Seth Rogen talked about "The Green Hornet" it sounded like he knew about the old series, but it was obvious from watching the film, which he co-wrote, that he had no clue. Instead of being an action piece of, at the very least, "Batman Begins" caliber, which it should have been, it was more along the lines of what would have happened if the Three Stooges would have stumbled upon a cache of crime-fighting weapons, but not funny.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Rogen's Hornet actually says lines like, "Balls deep in shit kickin' dudes".

18. Red Riding Hood (11%)

I don't even know if I could write a coherent rant about how boring this film is. It lacks everything a good fantasy should have, especially the power to transport an audience to another, more magical world. The plot is convoluted, the acting is terrible, and the directing is, well... Catherine Hardwicke. The woman who directed "Twilight". If you find a way to not make Gary Oldman scary, by far the easiest thing to do in film, you are bad at your job.

Most Embarrassing Moment: I think misusing Gary Oldman is the biggest sin of this pile.


17. Abduction (4%)

Oh! More "Twilight" alumni. Taylor Lautner is officially the least thrilling action star since... since... huh, I can't think of another example. That's how bad he was in this flaccid action flick that had one of the greatest supporting casts of the year, and was directed by John "Boyz n the Hood" Singleton. I honestly don't think we'll be seeing him alongside the greatest in "Expendables 3", but I'll take him over Chuck Norris... That's who I should have said! Chuck Norris sucks!

Most Embarrassing Moment: Lautner's adoptive parents, who have had him since birth, are killed, and he shows less emotion than a dead fish.

16. The Dilemma (24%)

I wish I could put "The Zookeeper" on this list, but I didn't see it. I did, however, see Kevin James' other stupid movie this year. Vince Vaughn, playing Vince Vaughn, and Winona Ryder but stumble through this sad excuse for a film leaving poor Jennifer Connelly to take up the slack of the extremely horrific script. Which doesn't make sense, because she doesn't belong in a film this bad.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Vince Vaughn trying to intimidate Ryder's lover (Channing Tatum). 


15. Paranormal Activity 3 (66%)

The third film in a series of already awful films. This one offered probably some of the most suspenseful moments of the trilogy, but there were so few of them. With little, to no, real scares, it also offers the lamest tie in to the other two films. It's all taken from "home videos" that went missing in what was supposed to be the time of the first two films, that were all shot by the father, and this makes no sense because of the mindless ending of the film. The worst part about this film is probably the fact that they ARE making a fourth, and it will be released this year.

Most embarrassing moment: The demon haunting the house picks the older daughter up by her hair, and it looks like something out a Three Stooges film.

14. Season of the Witch (10%)

Nicolas Cage, surprise!, stars in this silly film about a group of knights transporting a witch to a monastery, and it only gets worse from there. The writing feels every bit as the treatment of the  witches in this film, and the special effects are just as bad. Cage is, at no point, believable as a Crusader, not that he is as most anything else.

Most embarrassing moment: Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman have a "you take the group on that side moment", and it isn't badass.

13. Your Highness (26%)

I am a fan of Danny McBride, usually, but he couldn't have been much worse in this film. He writes and stars in this mind-numbing stoner comedy set in the middle ages, and brings James Franco and Natalie Portman down with him. This was the sort of film that you were tired of watching by the end of the opening credits. There isn't much that is pleasant about "Your Highness", and what is, just makes you wish that it was in another movie, so you wouldn't have to sit through everything else.

Most embarrassing moment: The opening credits. Those horrible opening credits...

12. Bad Teacher (44%)

The writing team that thought up the incredibly stupid "Year One" don't fail in bringing you another incredibly stupid film. Cameron Diaz is a wholly unlikable character in every sense. She's not funny when verbally, or physically, abusing children. You know, the way Billy Bob Thornton is. Come to think of it, there isn't one interesting, or decent, character in this whole film.

Most embarrassing moment: Diaz tries to get fathers to pay her extra money at a school car wash so she can get a boob job. Yes, you read that right.

11. Waiting for Forever (6%)

I'm sorry if any of you had never heard of this film before this list. Knowing about it may actually make you dumber. Every trap a bad movie could fall into, this one manages to: bad writing, bad directing, waste of good talent. The leading man, Tom Sturridge, is so anti-charming and talentless, it amazes me that nobody escorted him off of the set during the filming, and threw him in the gutter. Blythe Danner and Richard Jenkins play Rachel Bilson's parents, and make every moment they are on screen pure agony for the audience.

Most embarrassing moment: The static lead male explains how he wants to live in Rachel Bilson's blood stream, and he's a stalker. It's damn creepy.

10. Glee: the 3D Concert Movie (60%)

I don't blame Fox for wanting to cash in on their monster hit of a television show, but I do blame creator Ryan Murphy for trying to ruin television, and the music industry, with "Kidz Bop" the teen years. Every ear bleeding moment of this piece crap is about as worthless as a check from the Greek government. I don't know how any critic watched this poor excuse for a "concert" film and gave it a good grade, it's horrifying!

Most embarrassing moment: The kid in the wheelchair tries his hand at rapping "Empire State of Mind", and fails.

9. Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil (11%)

Was this supposed to be an answer to "Shrek"? If it was supposed to be, it was the wrong one. What it was, was a rambling film that had nothing interesting, and wasted the superb talents of pretty much the entire voice cast. I don't know how anyone involved with the film thought they were making anything worth the audience's time, but getting a paycheck is funny sometimes. The right price could buy a whole lot talent to waste, and the producers seemed to have it.

Most embarrassing moment: Brad Garrett does a poorly placed Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas' reference. At least it wasn't "Scarface"... again.

8. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (5%)

The problem with these kind of crossing dressing comedies is that the writers expect the audience to suspend their disbelief to the fact that nobody in this world can tell that these are guys. Look at them! Either everyone who inhabits this film are really dumb, really blind, or really polite. I try to defend the lack of originality in Hollywood, but when sequels like this pop up, I have no argument, and no excuses.

Most embarrassing moment: Faizon Love, a normally funny actor, develops an attraction to Martin Lawrence's Big Momma, because he's apparently the blindest human being alive.

7. The Change-Up (25%)

When the only thing your film has going for you is the fact that some of the audience members may be baseball fans, you have a really shitty movie (Go Braves!). Such is the case with Todd Phillips' "The Change-Up". I couldn't find anything I really liked about this grown-man remake of "Freaky Friday". Bateman and Reynolds are too talented to playing in this sophomoric, humorless pile of crap,and should really be embarrassed.

Most embarrassing moment: Ryan Reynolds' character is sleeping with a pregnant woman. The implications are more sad than shocking.

6. The Roommate (4%)

Hahahahaha! Hold on a minute, I can't stop laughing at the picture above. There in lies the problem with "The Roommate". Leighton Meester is the least credible threat of any psychopath in any thriller I have ever seen. Minka Kelly, whom I absolutely loved on "Friday Night Lights" gets stuck in this hilarious rehashing of "Single White Female", and just doesn't seem to know what to do with it. Also, Meester's character shoves a cat into a dryer, and I laughed for about 5 minutes straight!

Most embarrassing moment: I don't care, did you read the thing about the cat? So funny!

5. Shark Night (14%)

B movies, should stay B movies. I'm enjoying the neo-grindhouse movement as much as the next bad movie enthusiast, but "Shark Night" manages to ignore the joke, and takes itself entirely too seriously. The actors try to make some sense of the piece, but the more they deliver the lines  without a hint of irony, the worse it it becomes for everyone.


Most embarrassing moment: Sara Paxton explains her last date with the main villain of the movie without laughing. And it was a PG-13 horror about killer sharks. Embarrassing.

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide (33%)

I had to stop paying attention to this film at a couple of points, because with every overblown action sequence, I could feel my brain cells dying. A mostly new cast, and new director, couldn't save this from being just like the two sequels before it, boring and stupid. The plot is too silly, even for this series, Captain Jack is as annoying as ever, and Ian McShane is wasted as Blackbeard. Thanks Rob Marshall, this was worse than "Nine".

Most embarrassing moment: Johnny Depp returned as Captain Jack Sparrow. Despite how Michael Bolton feels about it.

3. From Prada to Nada (21%)

Once again, this is a film you probably better off not knowing about. Here is a misguided retelling of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" with sub-par writing and lackluster cast without a decent actor in the bunch. The leads stumble through the film, giving flat performances with little emotion, and Fez from "That 70's Show" happens to be in it. I'm pretty sure between this and "Larry Crowne" that makes him a bad luck charm for directors.

Most embarrassing moment: The father's death at the beginning of the film is so laugh-out-loud funny, you feel bad for anyone that was set that day.

2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (35%)

Can you not make good films, Michael Bay? Once again, Bay visits Rape-o-nostalgialand, and three films into the horrible series, it just doesn't seem to get any better. "Transformers" only seems to be an excuse to destroy well known cities or landmarks. And seriously, just because this is based off a cartoon, doesn't mean all the human characters have to be cartoony. There is nothing redeeming about any of these movies, and I wish people would stop seeing them, so they would being made.

Most embarrassing moment: Bill O' Reilly. 'nuff said.

1. Melancholia (78%)

I don't know if I hate this film because it was truly THAT terrible, and it was truly terrible, or because it got so much hype from critics. Every performance is stale, and someone should have checked Kirsten Dunst for a pulse, because her limp portrayal could have had her listed DOA. The shaky cam directing, and the over artsy visuals make this a tedious drag of a movie. 

Most embarrassing moment: The whole poorly written wedding scene.