This Means War (2012)

Life's a riot!

I used to love McG's music videos. They were bright, flashy, and fun. So, when he turned his sights on the world of film, like many video directors, I was worried, and excited. Unfortunately, his first two films were the horrible "Charlie's Angels" movies, and I thought it would never get better. But it has. With each film I like him a little more, and with "This Means War", I may be crazy about him. McG directs a trio of very likable leads in great romantic-action-comedy that is surprisingly funny and endearing. The action sequences are bright, flashy and fun, and the writing sizzles with wit and humor. Though it does have its flaws, "This Means War" is worth the time.

Grade: B+

Starring: Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon
Director: McG
Writer(s): Timothy Dowling and Simon Kinberg - Story: Timothy Dowling and Marcus Gautesen
RT: 98 min
Rating: R for some sexual content

Journey 2: the Mysterious Island (2012)

Jules Burned.

The first ten minutes of "Journey 2" manage to breeze through the plot and character arcs of the film as fast as they can. Why would you need to spend more time on them, right? There are sloppily thrown together 3D effects to be seen! Though there aren't really any bad performances in the film, except Luis Guzman, who let me down in a big way, there really aren't any memorable ones. The Gunns' script takes as many simple twists as possible, because you don't want the kids to have to think about too much. I left this film with an apathetic feeling toward it, and a dreadful feeling towards its promise of a third one.

Grade: C-

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine

Director: Brad Peyton

Writer(s): Brian Gunn & Mark Gunn - Story: Richard Outten - Novel: Jules Verne

RT: 94 min

Rating: PG for some adventure action, and brief mild language

The Vow (2012)

Who's on first?

There is nothing I love more than a heartwrenchingly beautiful love story. Which is what "The Vow" could have been, had it not been for an incredibly forced third act. I will say that Channing Tatum is not the most skilled actor, well, he's not much of an actor at all, and in this film he does seem a little out his element. A fact which doesn't seem to hinder the first two-thirds of film. Instead, his awkwardness, and boyish grin, lend themselves well to a man trying to win over his memory impaired wife. Rachel McAdams fits decently as his wife, and Sam Neill plays her plotting father ever so wonderfully, but it's the deceptively honest script that won me over. Until the big reveal that kicked off the last 15 or 20 minutes of the film.

Grade: B

Starring: Rachel McAdams, Channing Tatum, Sam Neill

Director: Michael Sucsy

Writer(s): Jason Katims, Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein - Story: Stuart Sender

RT: 104 min

Rating: PG-13 for an accident scene, sexual content, partial nudity and some language

Underworld: Awakening (2012)

She shot me down. 

I would like to thank the director of this movie for deciding to do a recap of the first two installments, because I don't remember a damn thing that happened in either them. They were both forgettable, poorly made tripe, and this one seems like it is destined to follow in their footsteps. Bad writing, terrible acting, and laughable special effects all play a role in making this a highly uninteresting bore of a theatre going experience. The most glorious part of this film is its merciful 88 minute running time. Makes me a little less anxious about "Twilight 4.5", and I didn't think that was possible.

Grade: D

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Michael Ealy, India Eisley
Director: Mans Marlind & Bjorn Stein
Writer(s): Len Wiseman & John Hlavin and J. Michael Straczynski and Allison Burnett
RT: 88 min
Rating: R for strong violence and gore, and for some language

Safe House (2012)

"No, I did not see 'Two Guys, and a Girl'"

"Safe House" may have been a by-the-numbers action flick, with quick edit fights, grainy cinematography, and pretty people doing not so pretty things, but I can't say I didn't enjoy myself. Denzel Washington is dependable, and Ryan Reynolds finally gives the kind of low-key character driven performance I knew he was capable of. After "The Change-Up" and "Green Lantern" I was beginning to worry. The actor I was most pleased with, however, was Bredan Gleeson. An actor who really seems to love what he does on screen every time I see him. Overall, not a bad film, but not one I could highly reccommend.

Grade: C+

Starring: Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Daniel Espinoza
Writer(s): David Guggenheim
RT: 115 min
Rating: R for strong violence throughout and some language

Pass or Fail: Manson's Got it Covered

Do you remember the 90's? Of course you do! Tom Hanks could do no wrong, gas prices were reasonable, and Marilyn Manson was going to turn the world into an orgy of Satan worship. Well, all those things have changed, and now, not only is Marilyn Manson not a threat to the unsuspecting public, but he's okay for mass consumption! Directors, or producers, or trailer companies, or whoever the hell puts these thing together these days, have decided that Manson is the best way to start shilling their products. Here are two trailers that use their music, and more specifically, these are two covers off of the 1995 breakthrough album, "Smells Like Children".

Pass: Wrath of the Titans

I reserve every right to wrong about both of these films. Honestly, I wasn't big on the remake of "Clash of the Titans". It had its moments of pure action goodness, but overall felt a little hollow. "Wrath" looks pretty awesome, and I'm shocked to hear myself saying this. Maybe it is the way the trailer effectively used Manson's cover of The Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", or maybe it's the giant fire monster wreaking everybody's day. I don't know what it is, but it sure isn't Sam Worthington. The stakes look higher, the creatures look cooler, and Liam Neeson is amazing (and slowly becoming the hero of this blog). I can't explain it, but this trailer really makes me want to see this movie.

Fail: Cabin in the Woods

I hope I'm wrong about this movie. I really want to be wrong. Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard doing a horror seems right, but looks so wrong. The trailer seems like they went down a check list to make sure they didn't miss any cliches. Attractive teens taking a trip? Check. Creepy local hillbillies? Check. Remote place in the middle of nowhere? Check! Seemingly meta references to how things are done in horror movies? Check! I'm going to see this one without question, but not because of this trailer. All this trailer makes me want to do is rewatch "Angel" and "Firefly" to get ready for the spectacle that will be "The Avengers".

Extra Pass: Clone High: This isn't a cover, but holy crap is this funny! And yes, that is actually the voice of Marilyn Manson singing. Thank you MTV for at least giving us one season of this joyous show!

Grey, the (2012)

Grey Matters

Survival is the word of the day as Liam Neeson leads a group of six survivors from a plane crash through the Alaskan wilderness. Oh, and they have to fend off a pack of wolves. Full of suspense and moments of shocking violence make "The Grey" a worthy "Man vs. Nature" style action film. It's hard to fault the film for some of its predictable twists and turns, because with the stunning visuals and performances it stays so high energy, and keeps you on the edge of your seat. Neeson is exceedingly excellent, but I'm sure we all expected that.

Grade: A-

Starring: Liam Neeson, Dermot Mulroney, Frank Grillo
Director: Joe Carnahan
Writer(s): Joe Carnahan, Ian Mackenzie Jeffers - Short Story: Ian Mackenzie Jeffers
RT: 117 min
Rating: R for violence/disturbing content including bloody images, and for pervasive language