I find that musicals (especially movie musicals) have to have me enamored by the end of the opening number in order to keep my attention. With "Rock of Ages", director Adam Shankman ("Hairspray"/Zac Efron's Pool Party") can't seem to make the opening number worth watching. The first of many horrible music mash-ups, this combination starts with a busload of people singing Night Ranger's "Sister Christian", and plunges into Julianne Hough screeching her way through David Lee Roth's "Living in Paradise", while Diego Boneta gives little heart to Poison's "Nothin' But a Good Time." The rest of this plotless, 80's tribute suckfest wants you to believe that Tom Cruise is still a sex symbol and Russell Brand can manage to carry a tune (I will say that Brand's duet with Alec Baldwin ("Can't Fight this Feeling") is probably the only fleeting highlight of this jukebox disaster), and both are about as true as this movie is interesting.
Grade: D
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No
Starring: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand
Director: Adam Shankman
Writer(s): Justin Theroux and Allan Loeb and Chris D'Arienzo (also Musical Book)
RT: 123 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual content, suggestive dancing, some heavy drinking, and language
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