There was a time in my life that I never thought the name Tim Burton could do no wrong. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I might ever see him do right again. His latest Johnny Depp/Helena Bonham Carter team up is the most depressing the three of them have done yet, despite the talents of Jackie Earle Haley, Johnny Lee Miller, Chloe Grace Moretz and other actors that don't go by three names. The comic bits don't yield laughs, the dramatic bits don't hold interest, and the acting goes so far over the top that it flies past the want to be campy, and into a special area of bad. The story should be fun, and in the hands of someone more capable director, an early Peter Jackson, or maybe Edgar Wright, it really could have been. Unfortunately, it just leaves the audience with the "what did I just witness" face, and the unnerving feeling that this vampire trend might not go away for a while. Enjoy "Twilight 7", America!
Grade: D-
3D: N/a
Easter Egg: No
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer
Director: Tim Burton
Writer(s): Seth Grahame-Smith - Story: John August - Series: Dan Curtis
RT: 113min
Rating: PG-13 for comic horror violence, sexual content, some drug use, language and smoking
I find that musicals (especially movie musicals) have to have me enamored by the end of the opening number in order to keep my attention. With "Rock of Ages", director Adam Shankman ("Hairspray"/Zac Efron's Pool Party") can't seem to make the opening number worth watching. The first of many horrible music mash-ups, this combination starts with a busload of people singing Night Ranger's "Sister Christian", and plunges into Julianne Hough screeching her way through David Lee Roth's "Living in Paradise", while Diego Boneta gives little heart to Poison's "Nothin' But a Good Time." The rest of this plotless, 80's tribute suckfest wants you to believe that Tom Cruise is still a sex symbol and Russell Brand can manage to carry a tune (I will say that Brand's duet with Alec Baldwin ("Can't Fight this Feeling") is probably the only fleeting highlight of this jukebox disaster), and both are about as true as this movie is interesting.
Grade: D
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No
Starring: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand
Director: Adam Shankman
Writer(s): Justin Theroux and Allan Loeb and Chris D'Arienzo (also Musical Book)
RT: 123 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual content, suggestive dancing, some heavy drinking, and language
Aardman Entertainment has been responsible for some great films, and the wildly hilarious "Wallace and Gromit shorts. Their new film "Pirates!" has its place among their ranks, but hardly qualifies as great. Though the film is funny, and manages to remain entertaining, the story follows the same plot structure as many other family films: main character betrays his roots, loses all his true friends, and has to win them back through some glorious scheme. It offers little in the way of surprise, but that fault doesn't ruin the enjoyment. The writing is well paced, and laden with enough pop sensibility, that make it the perfect spoof of Disney's extremely corporate "Pirates" films. Mix the over-the-top slapstick with Aardman's dry humor, and you have a great film for everyone to enjoy.
Grade: B
3D: If you must
Easter Egg: No
Starring: Hugh Grant, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven
Director: Peter Lord & Jeff Newitt
Writer(s): Gideon Defoe
RT: 88 min
Rating: PG for mild action, rude humor and some language
When watching "Prometheus", the words I had to put out of my mind were "Alien" and "answers". These were going to be the words that, if I let them in, would infect everything about the movie, and would hinder my enjoyment. What I got was a fascinating, if somewhat formulaic, sci-fi/horror film with a perfectly well-rounded cast, and stunning cinematography. Though I wouldn't put this film on the list near the first two "Alien" films, I would still consider this a worthwhile experience. Scott frames the story beautifully, making it more about the mission, and story, at hand than trying to answer all of the burning questions that the audience might have had for the past few decades (a faux pas that the "Star Wars" prequels, and last year's middling "X-Men: First Class", were guilty of).
Grade: B
3D: If you must
Easter egg: A very small one, that only devoted fans will enjoy.
Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce
Director: Ridley Scott
Writer: John Spaihts and Damon Lindelof
RT: 124 min
Rating: R for sci-fi violence including some intense images, and brief language
Making its triumphant return is the Pass or Fail column of the blog. Today's two trailers I will be dissecting are both sequels that star Maggie Grace, who was the President's daughter in the Guy Pearce film "Lockout", earlier this year.
Pass: Taken 2
It only seems right that the first post back would feature blog favorite, Liam Neeson. This guy is amazing with a capital punch you in the throat. Now he is back, in the same year as the movie where he punched the living shit out of some wolves, with what seems to be a thinly veiled excuse to kill a whole bunch of guys. He has the task of telling of his daughter that she is going to taken, again, and as if it is becoming a routine in her every day life ("Oh, it's Thursday. ABDUCTION DAY!) she asks, "What are you going to do?" Neeson responds, "What I do best." And calmly begins to kill everyone else in the trailer, and tells the leader of the group, as if he was a parent telling their child to eat their vegetables. "You'll just have to die." I don't care if this is the worst film of the fall, Liam Neeson is going to shoot a lot of people, and that is all I need in life.
Fail: Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 2
If I have to explain why this is a fail, you're reading the wrong blog. There is enough horrible dialogue and acting in this trailer to fill the Sci-Fi Channel (I refuse to spell their name any other way) with original movie material until this comes out. What irks me the most about this trailer is that they call the film "epic". That word used to mean something. "Lawrence of Arabia" is epic. "Gone With the Wind" is Epic. "The Empire Strikes Back" is epic! The "Twilight" series is the kind of "epic" that gets thrown around on the internet to describe... well, anything. I'm sure this film is going to be about as "epic" as finding thirty-seven cents in loose change in the couch.
Extra Pass: The Dark Knight: Trailer #4
This is what an epic conclusion looks like, Twilight.
