The Last Five Years (2015)

Small, intimate, and beautiful are the words I could best use to describe Robert Lagranvenese's adaptation of Jason Robert Brown's stage musical. Sure, it hits a few narrative problems near the end, but the heartfelt music, and the power house performances from the film's leads, Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan, almost make those snags seem completely insignificant. Watching these two characters move counter-sequentially (I may have made up a new word!) through the ups and downs of their relationship is utterly fascinating. Steven Meizler's camera floats around them, giving the film a captivating fly on wall feel that you don't normally get with movie musicals. The highest praise I feel anyone could can give to a film is the desire to want to watch again the moment it was over. And even if I didn't want to, which I did, I could at least listen to Anna Kendrick break my heart with "Still Hurting" for hours.

Grade: A-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Anna Kendrick, Jeremy Jordan
Director: Robert Lagranvenese
Writer(s): Robert Lagranvenese - Book and Lyric: Jason Robert Brown
RT: 94 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual material, brief strong language and a drug image

Two Sentences:

What We Do in the Shadows (2014): This New Zealand made mockumentary about a group of centuries old vampires living in a flat together boasts a slew of hysterical performances, and an unbelievably strong script. The humour is fresh, the timing is perfect, and characters are a ton of fun to get to know through all of minor trials and tribulations that vampires must put up with in the modern world.

Grade: A

'71 (2014)

A British soldier gets left behind enemy lines in Belfast, Ireland, and ends up running from the IRA. Jack O'Connell follows up a grand performance in "Unbroken" with a captivating portrayal of a young man on the run for his life. Director Yann Demange, on his first feature film, manages to build proper tension in multiple chase scene, and isn't shy about showing the brutal impact of senseless violence. The script, by Gregory Burke (also his first feature), is sparse and visceral; leaving dialogue to a minimum to focus on a cerebral chase through the streets of Ireland. This is not a film to miss.

Grade: A
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Jack O'Connell, Sam Reid, Sean Harris
Director: Yann Demange
Writer(s): Gregory Burke
RT: 99 min
Rating: R for strong violence, disturbing images, and language throughout

Two Sentences:

Against the Sun (2015): A Navy pilot, his bombardier, and his radioman get lost in the Pacific, and end up battling the elements in order to survive. The three men (Garret Dillahunt, Tom Felton, and Jake Abel) play their parts especially well, and despite a horrendous score (at one point sharks appear and some riff on the Jaws theme plays), this is a beautiful, uplifting film that tugs at the heart strings in certain scenes.

Grade: B

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Naked Ambitions

I want to start by saying that the problems I had with "Fifty Shades of Grey" do not lie within the subject matter. I am not offended by the concept of BDSM. Whatever two consenting adults do in their free time is their concern. In fact, the far superior 2002 film, "Secretary", handled this subject in an absolutely fascinating way. No, the problems stem from the monotonous script, and its horrifically wooden dialogue that emotionlessly drops from the mouths of the actors. The repetitious nature of most of it could have been used as punishment in a later scene of the film.

The two leads are bland, and hold no similarities to actual people. Aside from their sexual habits, I can't point to one quality in either of them that is remotely interesting. He's rich and knows how to fly a helicopter? She likes books? Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) displays controlling and stalkerish tendencies early on, the kind that are treated as childish and dangerous in last month's Jennifer Lopez stinker, "The Boy Next Door", which doesn't endear you to him,. Though after entering into the relationship with Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), the controlling aspect at least makes some sense.

Steele is a self-proclaimed romantic, with no personality, who spends the entire film just trying to hash out her feelings about Grey's lifestyle. There is almost not a single line from her character that doesn't pertain to Grey. She's a college student who is only seen doing college things twice in the movie, and one involves graduating. We are forced to believe she is intelligent, but she makes one terrible decision after another. Like the terrible decision I made by sitting through this entire movie. At least it was shot well.

Grade: D
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: I left before the credits ended.

Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Jennifer Ehle
Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Writer(s): Kelly Marcel - Novel: E.L. James
RT: 125 min
Rating: R for strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language

Two Sentences:

Song One (2014): Anne Hathaway plays woman comes home from charity work abroad to be with her mother after her brother is hit by a car, and wind up in a relationship with his favorite artist. This is a well acted, well written indie, that packs a lot of heart and emotion into its short run time.

Grade: B+

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015)

There is a lot about the new "SpongeBob Squarepants" movie that is worth watching. The writing is often humorous, though a little thin at times, and the story is simple, but interesting, despite some wandering to make certain elements fit. It boasts a fun voice cast, including Matt Berry from great British shows like "The IT Crowd". The single most fun thing the movie introduced was Antonio Banderas as a pirate named Burger Beard, who steals a burger formula from Mr. Krabs (SpongeBob's boss), and plunges the underwater community of Bikini Bottom into complete chaos. He is having so much fun chewing scenery, that it is almost infectious.

However, it is almost instantly forgettable. Walking out of the film you will have trouble remembering most of what you have seen. Especially since the live action/CGI scenes that all of the promotions lean on take up roughly 10 minutes of the last part of film, and all of the jokes were in the trailers. And did they really need to be superheroes? Really? The biggest problem with the film though, as with the show, and the first movie, is that its protagonist, and his best friend, are so incredibly annoying. It is truly unbearable. There are a few meta jokes that play on this thought, but they aren't enough to curb how badly you just want these two to shut up.

Grade: C

3D: It makes use in the eye-popping way, but doesn't enhance the enjoyment.

Easter Egg: Yes. 

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Tom Kenny, Clancy Brown

Director: Paul Tibbitt

Writers: Glen Berger & Jonathan Aibel - Story: Stephen Hillenburg (also Creator) & Paul Tibbitt

RT: 93 min

Rating: PG for mild action and rude humor

Two Sentences:

The Loft (2014): 5 friends share an apartment for their extra-marital hook-ups, and find one of the women they have slept with dead, in this bland, poorly written thriller. A few excellent performances, and Nicolas Karakatsanis' excellent cinematography keep this film from completely dying from the first frame.

Grade: D+

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

There are so many things that are great about The Wachowskis' newest film, "Jupiter Ascending", that it is hard to be mad about its faults. Production designer Hugh Bateup created beautiful sets, and Kym Barrett's costumes are gloriously stunning. The score, by Academy Award winner Michael Giacchino ("Up"), is operatic, and swells magnificently during the well staged action sequences that John Toll, the movie's cinematographer, has captured glamorously. He shoots Chicago so elegantly, that it will make you fall in love with the city if you aren't already. Many of the performances are even fairly top notch (especially Mila Kunis and Eddie Redmayne).

The concept and the story are even intriguing, and should have been a thrilling from start to finish; however, much of the action is broken up by what feels like hours of expository dialogue. The Wachowskis could have had a far more interesting film on their hands had they not bogged the script down with such a heavy-handed attempt at Shakespearean soap opera. They also tried to hard to build such an expansive universe in such a short amount of time. Most of the ever-widening cast of characters get so little screen time, it is hard to build up any emotion toward them, and we spend entirely too much time watching Mila Kunis falling off of buildings. This film could have either dealt with 20 less characters, or an extra 30-45 minutes.

Grade: C+
3D: It adds some depth to a few scenes, but isn't necessary.
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean
Director: The Wachowskis
Writer(s): The Wackowskis
RT: 127 min
Rating: PG-13 for some violence, sequences of sci-fi action, some suggestive content and partial nudity

Two Sentences:

The Boy Next Door (2015): A boring, lifeless stalker drama chocked full of bland performances and hammy dialogue. All I did through the film was think of Mark Wahlberg's first starring role in the 1996 clunker, "Fear".

Grade: D-

Pass or Fail: Time Enough at Last

Welcome back to one of my defunct columns. In this column I look at two trailers, with one thing in common, and based just off of my initial reaction, I judge whether or not I think the movie is going to be any good. Today on "Pass or Fail" we will look at a pair of time travel films coming out in 2015. One is found footage action flick, and the other is a dopey comedy.

Pass: Project Almanac (January 30th)

I waited for this to get released all of last year under the title "Welcome to Yesterday", and I never got it. So, I waited. And waited. And now the studio is finally giving it to us! I realize that it is a found footage film, and it was produced by Michael Bay, but bad ideas be damned, this looks like a lot of fun. A group of college age kids stumble upon the secret of time travel, and begin to cause waves in the space/time continuum. This just looks like a lot of fun.

Fail: Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (February 20th)

Why must we be tortured with this lame-brained sequel to a lame-brained movie. A movie that looks so bad that John Cusack bailed on it, and was replaced with Adam Scott. Have you seen some of the crap that Cusack has been in lately? So, the crew from the first film is back, and they have turned the tub back on to stop Rob Corddry's character from getting murdered. Their are so many things in this trailer that made me roll my eyes. I can't assume that there won't be more of those moments in the film itself. Except with a lot more f-bombs.

Extra Pass: Time Crash

Is there any other time traveler more exciting than The Doctor? Probably not. He has been around for over 50 years, and he has been played by more than a dozen actors. Here is a special short made for an annual children's benefit, held in England, starring two Doctors.

2015: My 15 Must-See Movies!

Another year, another round of movies I can't help but want to see. This year has so many films that I'm incredibly excited to see that I couldn't find a way to count them down properly, so I decided to just go ahead and list them based on their chronological release dates.

Jupiter Ascending (February 6th)

I'm a little sad to see this get a February release, because it looks more like a summer blockbuster, and the Wachowskis have a pretty decent track record outside of the two "The Matrix" sequels. This tale of a woman thrust into the middle of outer space politics, because of her destiny to become Queen of the universe, looks thrilling and fun in all of the right ways. Mila Kunis hasn't let me down on screen yet, and Channing Tatum has been growing on me as of late. He is certainly achieving the leading man status that he has earned.

Maps to the Stars (February 27th)

What is not to love about David Cronenberg? He is a dynamic director that makes jarring films about obsession and depravity unlike anyone else. He manages to craft strikingly visual stories with perfect performances from his casts. Julianne Moore has already scored a Golden Globe nod for her performance, and though that doesn't mean everything, it at least means something. I'm absolutely giddy.

Chappie (March 6th)

Neill Blomkamp has made two very excellent films so far, and this looks like it could be another very excellent film. Dev Patel creates an army of law enforcement robots, and when falls into the hands of a couple criminals, he becomes the child in a bizarre family unit as he becomes more sentient. The trailers have been spectacular, and when I see them paired onto just about every movie I have seen so far this year, I become more and more anxious. March 6th isn't coming soon enough!

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (March 6th)

Go ahead. Laugh. The first was so damn charming, that I am willing to get my hopes up entirely too high for the second go around. I also love that I have two Dev Patel films on this list, and they are both coming out on the same day. Look at him Bollywood dancing his way straight into your heart, you cynical cretin. All of the gang is back, the characters still living at least, and they seem to be in great spirits, and Richard Gere is being added to the mix. And, oh, is romance budding for Dame Judi Dench and Bill Nighy in this installment? I'm absolutely giddy (but in a different way from the Cronenberg movie)!

Furious 7 (April 3rd)

So, am I the only who thinks that the "Fast and Furious" franchise has gotten really fun in the last few movies? The first was "meh", the next two were plain awful, and four through six have been gravity defying thrill rides with phenomenal climactic action sequences. I will admit that I am mostly putting this on the list to see how they handle the death of the star of five of the six films. Though, adding Jason Statham, Kurt Russell, and Djimon Hounsou to the already terrific ensemble doesn't hurt either.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1st)

In 2014, Marvel produced the two best films in their cinematic canon, and Joss Whedon is bringing the darkness with this sequel. I know, I know. I said the same thing about "Iron Man 3" a couple of years ago, and we ended up with that annoying kid for comic relief, but we are talking about Joss Whedon here. This man will kill any character at any time, because screw your emotions. The cast has grown in great ways: James Spader as Ultron (pictured above), Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch, Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver, and Paul Bettany comes out of the computer to play Vision. I'm absolutely giddy (but, again, in a completely different way from the other two)!

Mad Max: Fury Road (May 15th)

I'm not even going to write a paragraph. If you can't understand my excitement after watching this bat-shit crazy trailer, then you have no pulse.

Tomorrowland (May 22nd)

Brad Bird! He is finally following up "Mission: Impossible 4", and the teaser for it looks fantastic. We are talking about the man who gave us "The Iron Giant" and "The Incredibles"! These are two of the greatest family films I have had the pleasure of seeing in the theatres. His films are emotional roller coasters that gain vast critical praise, and deservedly so.

Jurassic World (June 12th)

There is something about wanting to see this movie that confuses me. The teaser was fun, but not great, and the story sounds a little on the, "Didn't we already see this in JP3?" side. On the plus side: Chris Pratt is becoming a welcome addition to everything (is awesome!). I will place this on the "Must-see" out of complete morbid curiosity, a 22 year devotion to the brand, and DINOSAURS! Jeezy Creezy, people! There are dinosaurs in this movie! And speaking of dinosaur movies...

Inside Out (June 19th) / The Good Dinosaur (November 27th)

Two Pixar films this year? Yes, please! "Inside Out" is a story of the emotional center of the brain of a preteen girl, and "The Good Dinosaur" is the troubled production that we didn't get last year because John Lasseter replaced director Bob Peterson ("Up") with Peter Sohn ("Partly Cloudy"). Far be it from me to start suggesting that Pixar takes a cue from its Disney sister company, Marvel, and start releasing two films every year, but if both of these films are astoundingly great, I think they should at least consider it. Speaking of Marvel...

Ant-Man (July 17th)

I am going to be honest. The first trailer for this movie is a little underwhelming, and the fact that one of my favorite film makers, Edgar Wright, was forced from the project, doesn't make me feel at ease. With that being said, Ant-Man is such a fun character to explore, that I hope this film is as much fun as some of the other Marvel titles that have been coming out as of late. Director Peyton Reed ("Down With Love") has a solid cast in place, and the writers, Adam McKay and Paul Rudd, were said to have only tweaked Wright's script. I guess we'll see.

Untitled Cold War Spy Thriller (October 16th)

Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks are doing another movie together. Spielberg's last three films made it onto my favorite films lists in the years they were released. Alan Alda and Amy Ryan are also in the cast, but it is the inclusion of Billy Magnussen that has put a little sunshine into my day. His performance in "Into the Woods" was so good, that I'm excited to see what he is capable of in a more serious role. It was also co-written by the Coen Brothers. They have two screenwriting Oscars! I half hope that "Untitled Cold War Spy Thriller" is the actual title of this movie, because it is such a wonderfully goofy title.

Spectre (November 6th)

Does everybody else remember how great "Skyfall" was? If not, you should really look into, because that movie was balls-to-the-wall amazing! And in case you were wondering, here it is on my favorite films of 2012. Sam Mendes is back at the helm, Daniel Craig is back as Bond, and John Logan is writing it again! Mendes has seen fit to add two-time Academy Award winner, Christoph Waltz, as the film's big baddie, and Dave Bautista (fresh off "Guardians of the Galaxy") have been been added to the cast, along with Monica Bellucci as the new Bond Girl.

The Hateful Eight (November 13th)

Quentin Tarantino, at one point, pulled this film from his slate, because it leaked online. Now it is back in existence, and features QT regulars like Samuel L. Jackson, Tim Roth, Zoe Bell, and Michael Madsen, and a host of other great actors including Kurt Russell, Walton Goggins, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Channing Tatum. The plot sounds interesting: a group of assassins get stuck in a blizzard, and begin turning on each other. If anyone can make something that simple interesting, it would be Tarantino. And it has a title that is right up my alley. This may be one of the best of the year. I hope.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (December 18th)

Ok. I know I said I couldn't count them down properly, but how could this not be the number one on my list. It's "Star Wars"! Please save all the prequel hate. It's directed by J.J. Abrams! Please save all of your lens flare hate. It has the original cast back! IT WAS CO-WRITTEN BY LAWRENCE KASDAN!!! I'm flying really close to a dangerous form of optimism with this movie, and I couldn't care less. IT'S "STAR WARS"!!!

What did I miss? What are you excited to see that I didn't put on here? What aren't you excited to see that made it?