The Interview (2014)

If the North Korean Sony hack was just a marketing ploy on the part of the company, as some have suggested, than it was a brilliant one, because this movie was not worth any commotion. It may have a pretty risky premise, involving the assassination of North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un, but nothing that happens in the story is anything above silly, sophomoric hijinks resulting in a violent third act that misses the mark completely. James Franco puts in a somewhat earnest performance as a TV show host who Jong-un is a superfan of, and Seth Rogen, as Aaron, his producer and best friend, plays Seth Rogen (again). The two just ad lib their ways through a film that is mediocrity parading as political satire, but never really finds the appropriate rhythm to be effective as one. A couple of good belly laughs, and a wonderful performance by Randall Park, playing Kim Jong-un, keep this from being an absolute bore. Feel free to skip this movie. Despite how you feel about freedom.

Grade: C
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: Yes. And it was my favorite part of the movie.

Starring: James Franco, Seth Rogen, Randall Park
Director: Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg
Writer(s): Dan Sterling (also story with Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg)
RT: 112 min
Rating: R for pervasive language, crude and sexual humor, nudity, some drug use and bloody violence

Two Scentences:

Annie (2014): This updated version is oddly charming in some ways, but deeply flawed in so many others: some actors can't sing, some of the new songs are boring, and the way they use the old songs feel like they're just throwing them away. Quvenzhane Wallis does manage to carry the film just fine, and makes her character very relatable.

Grade: B-

The Pyramid (2014)

I thought after "Willow Creek" that maybe my dislike for found footage films had finally subsided, and maybe someone had shown the world that they don't have to suck. I was proved so, so wrong. So wrong. "The Pyramid" starts with text explaining that the film is all footage found at the site, only to give up on the found angle half way through the film, and added more than the two established cameras. While taking a more traditional approach to the horror genre, it still spliced in the found footage. WHY?! The plot falls apart as soon as the characters get into the catacombs of the pyramid, and dialogue always feels like it was slapped together from a book of cliches that the writers found in a public library. The performances never feel involved, and most of the actors just seem bored. However, it never feels like it's bad enough to please the fan of the worst horror films in existence. This is just a forgettable dud.

Grade: D-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Ashley Hinshaw, James Buckley, Denis O'Hare

Diretor: Gregory Levasseur

Writer(s): Daniel Meersand and Nick Simon

RT: 89 min

Rating: R for some horror violence and bloody images

Two Sentences:

Are You Here (2014):  This is a very lukewarm dramedy that involves a lot of very talented people. There isn't much that is actually funny about it, and Owen Wilson is extremely unlikeable as the movie's lead.

Grade: C

The Theory of Everything (2014)

The very problem with trying to shove an entire life of such an accomplished person, is that filmmakers tend to focus on the most dramatic moments, and the audience doesn't often get something that feels like reality. Thus we end up with soap opera versions of well-known figures. James Marsh does very little with "The Theory of Everything" that hasn't been done in every biopic since the beginning of film: over-dramatic love triangles, blood coughed into handkerchiefs, sappy music, bad old age make-up. The writing is bland, and the pacing is so achingly slow. In fact, the only thing really worth taking from this film is the phenomenal performance of Eddie Redmayne, who embodies Stephan Hawking so well, some people may mistake his performance for the rest of the film. This is such a sadly underwhelming tale, and it only ever amounts to a retread of a retread.

Grade: D+

3D: N/A

Easter Egg: No

Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, David Thewlis

Director: James Marsh

Writer(s): Anthony McCarten - Book: Jane Hawking

RT: 123 min

Rating: PG-13 for some thematic elements and suggestive material

Penguins of Madagascar (2014)

After three "Madagascar" films, and having their own show on Nickelodeon (which I will admit I haven't seen), the four super spy Penguins have received their very own silver screen feature. Thankfully, it was pretty fantastic. It starts with an origin of sorts, and picks up in the middle of "Madagascar 3", where we find our polar protagonists planning a heist on Fort Knox. From there we meet a host of new characters including Dave (Darren?) the super villain octopus, who was constantly passed over in zoos for penguins, and the North Wind spy team, who are sent to help animals in trouble (Wonder Pets?), and constantly end up in our heroes' way.

The Penguins were always the best part of the "Madagascar" series, so it isn't any wonder that they have continuously risen in popularity. The writing is better than any of the previous films, and they top the laughs from scene to scene with increasing absurdity, and crisp humor that are often surprising. A particular running joke involving Nicholas Cage comes to mind. There are a lot of jokes that flop, but the fact that they land a lot more than fail is impressive. John Malkovich is especially wonderful as Dave, and Benedict Cumberbatch (who is in everything this year) lends a wonderful straight man quality to Classified, the leader of the north wind, but they never distract from the main four, who carry the film wonderfully. Oh, and a Werner Herzog cameo never hurt anybody either!

Grade: B
3D: Not necessary
Easter Egg: Early credits sequence.

Starring: Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Christopher Knights
Director: Eric Darnell and Simon J. Smith
Writer(s): John Aboud, Michael Colton, Bradon Sawyer
RT: 92 min
Rating: PG for mild action and some rude humor

Two Sentences:

To Be Takei: Jennifer M. Kroot documents her subject, Asian-American actor, and gay icon, George Takei, with great respect, and complete depth. Never does the film fell like hero worship, though it delves into the topic, but instead she allows those who know him best to discuss the flaws that they love him in spite of, or because of.

Grade: B+

Horrible Bosses 2: I am almost ashamed at how much I laughed at this movie (almost), because it doesn't tend to be very smart, and it retreads a lot of the same jokes that the first covered. Nonetheless, there is a lot of energy, and the cast seems to be having a lot of fun in spite of some of the stupid situations they have been put in by the writers.

Grade: B-

White Bird in a Blizzard: There are some really strong performances in this film: Shailene Woodley as a young girl dealing with the disappearance of her mother, Eva Green as her mother, slowly losing her mind, and Christopher Meloni as her spineless father coping with his own crippling loneliness. That aside, some of the dialogue is poor, and the characters are unlikeable, and yet, it somehow remains intriguing long after you think you found out what has actually happened.

Grade: C+

Whiplash (2014)

Never, ever, have I felt so short of breath during a drama the way I did during Damien Chazelle's "Whiplash". The pacing reminded me more of a taught political thriller than any teacher drama. J.K. Simmons plays a jazz ensemble conductor at a prestigious music conservatory, who has some questionable methods of trying to get the best of his student: screaming horrific insults and hurling chairs to name a few. He is frightening in this roll, and you laugh uncomfortably at many of his racial and homophobic slurs, because you so engrossed by him, that looking away is never an option.

Miles Teller is the new student that he picks apart for being a tad off-beat on the drums. This is Teller's breakout role. His character is socially inept, and relies on his passion for drumming, and his quest for greatness, to be his closest companion. The editing, by Tom Cross, is quick and vibrant, especially during the scenes directly involving the music performances. Sharone Meir's cinematography captures the mood in every way; adding a constant unease, and never letting you flinch when it gets a little too shocking. Writer/director Chazelle has achieved something spectacular with this film. Hopefully, this isn't the last time we hear his name.

Grade: A
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Miles Teller, J.K. Simmons, Paul Reiser
Director: Damien Chazelle
Writer(s): Damien Chazelle
RT: 107 min
Rating: R for strong language including some sexual references

Two Sentences:

Dracula Untold (2014): Why does Hollywood continue to think that audiences want to see whiny, misguided retellings of the origins of long beloved literary characters? If the story wasn't bad enough, the dialogue, ham-fisted acting, and poor cinematography certainly didn't help.

Grade: D-

Bad Turn Worse (2013): This isn't necessarily the finest crime drama of the year, but it was well written, finely shot, and stocked with a few wonderful performances. Watching these three long-time friends try to navigate the criminal underworld is both frightening and exhilarating enough to keep interest throughout its brisk run time.

Grade: B+

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

Fly Like an Eagle

There is so much to love about Alejandro González Iñárritu's "Birdman", that is impossible for me to remember all of them after only one viewing. In fact, I'm sure after repeated viewings, I could find more things to love. The most obvious things might be the best start with. With the help of the man who can only be described as the best living cinematographer, Emmanuel Lubezki, the camera glides scene to scene almost effortlessly in one seemingly long take, with great thanks to Douglas Crise and Stephen Mirrione's perfect editing. The drum heavy score by Antonio Sanchez is driving, sparse, and beautifully effective.

Iñárritu has allowed Michael Keaton to explore, with great fervor, what can possibly be explained as the most interesting character of his career. Riggan Thompson just happens to have a lot in common with Keaton (much like Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler"). Watching him spiral into madness is tragically wonderful, and the understated performance is elegant and madcap in one fell swoop. The rest of this near-perfect ensemble, including Naomi Watts as an insecure actress on Broadway for the first time, Edward Norton playing a method actor with social behavior issues, and Emma Stone as Riggan's daughter/personal assistant who has just finished a stint in rehab, get so much to play with. Watching them have fun with this script makes everything about this film feel genuine from the ground up. This is certainly not a film to miss. It is awesome.

Grade: A-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Michael Keaton, Emma Stone, Edward Norton
Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu
Writer(s): Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, and Armando Bo
RT: 119 min
Rating: R for language throughout, some sexual content and brief violence

Two Sentences:

The Babadook (2014): This was the freakiest horror film that has been released all year, without exception. Writer/director Jennifer Kent hasn't made the most original piece, but she fills it with enough dread, menace, and Babadook to keep the audiences scooting further to the edge of their seat until the very last frame.

Grade: A-

What If (2013): Daniel Radcliffe is beginning to have a very good post-Potter phase of off-beat films that are, in different ways, very quirky and eccentric. "What If" is a romantic comedy that is refreshingly charming, and filled with great performances from the central cast that compliment the string of jokes that make up the script, instead of hindering it.

Grade: B+

Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

"Dumb and Dumber To" is the "Godfather Part III" of comedy. It came from a well-loved film made twenty years prior, and it failed to live up to even the least of the expectations surrounding it. This movie is completely awful. Jokes are thrown about at rapid speeds, and hardly a one of them lands with the slightest amusement. Gags from the first movie are copied or tweaked, and not a single one brings any laughs. The level of stupid the title characters seems to have been ratcheted up by such an astounding amount, that it makes it impossible to think of these two as worthy protagonists in any form. The performances range from grating to middling, and never quite get above that range. Did I mention that this film is simply awful? Awful!

Grade: F
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: Yes.

Starring: Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels, Rob Riggle
Director: Bobby & Peter Farrelly
Writer(s): 6 Writing Credits
RT: 110 min
Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, partial nudity, language and some drug references

Two Sentences:

Ouija (2014): A weak concept, bad acting, and and a group of weakly written central characters make this horror film a complete drag to watch. The conclusion brings a silly twist that doesn't feel genuine or interesting.

Grade: D-

Annabelle (2014):

At no point does the eponymous killer doll ever feel like a real threat, and I think that is the underlying problem with this thrill-less horror film. Despite the failures of the script, a couple of decent performances help bring this up from an unsalvageable mess of a movie.

Grade: D

Jessabelle (2014)

Some half decent scares, and an intriguing concept, give way to run-of-the-mill plotting, and some half-baked twists and turns. Sarah Snook carries the story as well as she could, and should be a welcome addition to a new crop of young actresses.

Grade: C+

Beyond the Lights (2014)

There is a very specific reason I continuously watch movies with horribly edited trailers and awful marketing campaigns. Every now and then a gem slips through the cracks of the studio system, and surprises me more than I would assume. Gina Prince-Bythewood wrote a perfectly serviceable story, that follows a lot of tropes, but manages to rise above them with the help of a few great performances, and Bythewood's elegant direction. What really makes this a film worthy of seeing, however, is the (hopefully) star-making performance of actress Gugu Mbatha-Raw playing rising star Noni. She is broken, lost, and waiting for someone to see her for who she is, and not for what she is. I did not expect to enjoy "Beyond the Lights" nearly as much as I did, and it is a wonder that this got so mishandled..

Grade: B
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No. Though I was hoping for a set up for "Even Further Beyond the Lights".

Starring: Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Nate Parker, Minnie Driver
Director: Gina Prince-Bythewood
Writer(s): Gina Prince-Bythewood
RT: 116 min
Rating: PG-13 for sexual content including suggestive gestures, partial nudity, language and thematic elements

Two Sentences:

The Judge (2014): David Dobkin has made a self-important dramedy that never rises above a mediocre, melodramatic pitch. Robert Downey Jr. plays an over-intelligent smartass (like always), Rober Duvall is forced to say a fistful of horrendous and silly dialogue, and Vincent D'Onofrio and Vera Farmiga are completely wasted as filler characters.

Grade: C-

St. Vincent (2014): Though it is packed with tremendous flaws, mostly due to the film's unfortunate attempts at humor, this movie is packed with a lot of heart. The moments that it shifts from wannabe comedy to full on drama are the moments where this film really shines.

Grade: C+

Big Hero 6 (2014)

There is a good chance that "Big Hero 6" is the best film that Disney Animation (not Pixar) has ever produced. Hyperbole? Maybe. Is the film really good enough for that title? Absolutely. It is a film about unimaginable loss, and the way it effects those closest to it. It is about the memories of those we lose, and the difference between justice and revenge. The story sounds like the same origin story we have heard multiple times, but the way the young Hiro, a 14 year-old robotics genius, is forced to deal with it, and the way he continuously rises to meet his expectations, and inspires those around him, the more you want to be inspired by him.

Hiro's relationship with his brother's creation, a medical robot name Baymax, is touching, and beautiful. Especially for what it comes to represent. The supporting characters are all very well written. They are a lot fun, and have very distinct personalities, but they are never once annoying in the way many family films treat their supporting casts. Though they seem to take to their new suits a little fast, this gets forgiven by the two major action sequences that they use them in. They are fast, fun, and well animated, without losing the tone of the film. The eponymous fictional super hero team may be in the foreground of the film, but the very real emotions are what really put you into the story.

Grade: A
3D: Not necessary
Easter Egg: Yes. Oh yes!

Starring: Scott Adsit, Ryan Potter, Daniel Henney

Director: Don Hall & Chris Williams

Writer(s): 8 writing credits

RT: 108 min

Rating: PG for action and peril, some rude humor, and thematic element

Two Sentences:

Feast: This short film about a puppy found in an alleyway, given a home, and fed beyond his wildest dreams, is adorable and touching, with adorable and touching to spare. It runs the gamut of gut busting laughs to gripping despair, all within a handful of feeding times.

Grade: A

John Wick: To be honest, their is absolutely nothing special about John Wick. It is a serviceable action movie, with a few really excellent scenes, a couple of good performances, and it was well shot, but it was a lot of fun.

Grade: B- 

Interstellar (2014)

The latest offering from Christopher Nolan gets so many things right. So many things. The script may not be perfect, but it is exciting in the right parts, and emotional in many others. The cast brings some of their best performances to some very well rounded characters. Nolan's decision to use practical effects instead of constant CGI, is absolutely commendable for a myriad of reasons, but tops among those its keeping the actors' reactions genuine and believable. The biggest problem is that the third act drags on a little long, thus leaving all of the heightened emotions to fizzle out. This is a completely solid film that should be experienced in the theatre, but just know it is flawed.

Grade: B+
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain
Director: Christopher Nolan
Writer(s): Jonathan Nolan & Christopher Nolan
RT: 168 min
Rating: PG-13 for some intense perilous action and brief strong language.

Two Scentences:

Horns - Sometimes this film feels a little sillier than it needs to be, but that never really keeps it form being enjoyable. Radcliffe brings a lot charisma to his role, and Alexandre Aja keeps the film just the right amount of dark to not disrupt the tongue-in-cheek humor of the script.


Grade: B+

Nightcrawler (2014)

There are so many things to enjoy about Dan Gilroy's debut. It is shot with complete care around Los Angeles, highlighting the city's darkest corners. He has cast Jake Gyllenhaal (in the best role of his career) as his anti-hero, Lou Bloom, a loner sociopath who spends his time stealing to make a few dollars, and studying many facets of the world in order to make a place for himself. The story takes him to the career of gathering footage for stories for local news affiliates. The events that transpire in his new career become increasingly more disturbing the deeper he gets into the world around him. Gilroy's script is a sharp allegory of the shape of media in America, and a nihilisticly stark view of the current economic landscape. The more I think about this film, the more I love it!

Grade: A
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, Bill Paxton
Director: Dan Gilroy
Writer(s): Dan Gilroy
RT: 117 min
Rating: R for violence including graphic images, and for language

Two Scentences:

The Boxtrolls - Laika Studios has created another gem of a film, and though it doesn't carry the same punch as their last two projects, it does have some genuinely beautiful moments. The story is fun, the cast is spot on, and the characters are rich and vibrant in so many ways.

Grade: B+

The Town That Dreaded Sundown - This was a silly, and mostly forgettable, quasi-remake/sequel of a film which was loosely based on actual events in a town on the Arkansas/Texas border terrorized by a killer who was never caught. It is physical proof that certain films should remain in the library of cult classics.

Grade: C-

Dear White People (2014)

Justin Simien's feature length debut is such an intelligent take on race relations in the U.S. that it will easily go over the head of defensive white people everywhere. This is the kind of thoughtful, purposeful meditation we need on this subject, and it will probably be dismissed in the national conversation as race-baiting. Simien sets up a well-rounded cast of characters who never fall into stereotypes, and constantly evolve throughout the film. His script is poignant and clever, and the film is beautifully shot. I want to call this a do not miss, but only if you actually listen to what it has to say, and don't make up your mind what it says before you go in.

Grade: A-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: Sort of

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Tessa Thompson, Kyle Gallner
Director: Justin Simien
Writer(s): Justin Simien
RT: 108 min
Rating: Rated R for language, sexual content and drug use

Fury (2014)

"...Anger Can Be Power"

David Ayers is far from my favorite writer or director. This year's "Sabotage" (another film he both wrote and directed) was silly, and far too gleefully violent for my tastes. That being said, he has finally made a film that feels personal, straying from his crooked cop formula that has been the staple of his career up to this point. "Fury" takes no joy in showing you the horrors of war, and gives a few great actors the chance to shine by not turning them into walking cliches. While Brad Pitt gives the performance I knew he would, and Jon Bernthal and Michael Pena were absolutely solid, it was Shia LeBeouf who stole the movie with a quiet portrayal of a southern born-again Christian trying to make sense of the Hell around him.

Though Ayers moves his protagonist, a young typist thrust into the tank crew after only 8 weeks in the service, along a little quickly, he introduces four very interesting characters to surround him. The grit and grime of the German front is captured beautifully by D.P. Roman Vasyanov. He moves his camera effortlessly from battle to battle, making the viewer feel like more than just a witness to the mayhem. The dialogue feels a little stiff in parts, and Steven Price's score is a bit out of place. It would honestly fit better in an Eli Roth horror film than a movie about WWII. This is the most solid work Ayers has done to date, and I would highly recommend a viewing.

Grade: B+
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Brad Pitt, Shia Lebeouf, Michael Pena
Director: David Ayers
Writer(s): David Ayers
RT: 134 min
Rating: Rated R for strong sequences of war violence, some grisly images, and language throughout


Two Sentences:

The Dog (2013) - This documentary about the inspiration of the film "Dog Day Afternoon" is equal parts funny and bizarre. John Wojtowicz is a larger than life human being, who is captivating to the point of sheer entertainment. 

Grade: A

The Book of Life (2014) - Jorge R. Gutierrez made a fairly pleasant children's film that was filled with honest emotions, and had beautiful character relationships. The script could have used some work, some of the supporting characters could have used some work, and using modern pop songs in the story was a terrible idea.

Grade: C+

The Best of Me (2014) - The newest offering from the Nicholas Sparks catalog is essentially an amalgam of all of the other Nicholas Sparks stories. Some terrible acting, writing, and young actors who look like nothing like their older counterparts really make this close to unbearable to watch.

Grade: D+

Begin Again (2013)

I ended the summer with the perfect trip tot he theater. I saw the new John Carney film, "Begin Again", and it was glorious. It is funny, sweet, and a bit sappy at times. A sappy that works for the film, not against it. Keira Knightley is achingly wonderful as a spurned song writer, whose boyfriend becomes a rock star, and left her for another woman on the road. Her counterpart, played by Mark Ruffalo, is a down-on-his-luck record producer, estranged from his family, and his label, who discovers her in a dive bar. Their chemistry together is absolutely perfect, and they match each other's energy step for step. James Corden is also quite brilliant as Knightley's friend from home, who takes her in after her break-up. The music in this film, co-written mostly by Carney and New Radicals members Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois, is a lot of fun, and helps move the story along at a good pace. What could have been a convoluted mess, was easily one of the most enjoyable films of the year.

Grade: A-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: The entirety of the credits.

Starring: Keira Knightley, Mark Ruffalo, Hailee Steinfeld
Director: James Carney
Writer(s): James Carney
RT: 104 min
Rating: Rated R for language

Willow Creek (2013)

I love horror movies. I often refer to myself as a horror movie junkie, but they bigger they are, the less they scare me. What frightens me are low key films where the threats are unseen, or off in the shadows (like Merv Griffin). Films that are intimate, and focus on a small group of characters. Such is the case with Bobcat Goldthwait's "Willow Creek". It is scary. Not in the way most people want horror films to be scary: it isn't gory, it isn't loud or flashy, and it isn't full of jump scares. This film is two people in a remote area facing some real terror, and at 80 minutes, it doesn't drag on, or over stay its welcome.

Alexie Gilmore and Bryce Johnson play a couple who are on a mission to find Bigfoot (he believes in the creature, she is along for the ride). They have a great chemistry together, and they make you care about what happens to them, which is what makes it so scary. It is mostly quiet, and completely captivating. I don't know when Goldthwait started becoming one of my favorite film makers, but this is the third film of his I have seen, and have completely fallen in love with. And they are all wildly different films! He has taken my least favorite medium of cinema, "found footage", and made what has to be the best film to come out of it.

Grade: A-
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Alexie Gilmore, Bryce Johnson
Director: Bobcat Goldthwait
Writer(s): Bobcat Goldthwait
RT: 80 min
Rating: R

Sharknado 2: The Second One

I don't normally review TV or DTV movies, because they are always pretty terrible, and don't attract the caliber of talent or budget that theatrical releases do. "Sharknado" is just too big a phenomenon to not talk about! I realize that it is trying a little too hard to capitalize on a craze of bad cult films, and that The Asylum is responsible for some of the worst rip-offs in cinema history. I get that I shouldn't love this movie (or its predecessor), and that it is no better than some of the films I have panned over the last couple of years. The problem is, I do. I love this movie. "Sharknado 2" is horrible in some of the worst ways, and some of the best ways all at once.

The actors seem to be having a great time putting in some truly terrible performances. Ian Ziering, especially, is relishing in some of the cornball lines he gets to utter while trying to chainsaw sharks in half, or lob homemade bombs into funnels filled with ferocious fish. The story is completely asinine, but no more so than a crew of aliens trying to stop a sinister villain from getting his hands on a stone that makes him all-powerful. It just so happens that the dialogue isn't as punchy, and the special effects aren't as polished... or polished at all. Hell, 15 years ago, James Gunn (director of "Guardians of the Galaxy") was directing films of this exact caliber. So, here is to Anthony C. Ferrante (director) and Thunder Levin (Seriously, this is the writers name.)! I have high hopes that Marvel gives you both a shot at a massive property soon.

Grade: B-
3D: I wish!
Easter Egg: Yes

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tar Reid, Vivica A. Fox
Director: Anthony C. Ferrante
Writer(s): Thunder Levin
RT: 90min
Rating: TV-14

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Heroes in a half shell, writing that was half-assed

*Possible Spoilers*

Let us forget the changes to the origin. Let us forget how awful the character designs of the Turtles, Splinter, and Shredder are. Let us even forget that there is a phenomenal new show on Nickelodeon right now, that is everything that this movie is not. None of this is relevant to anything that this is wrong with this movie. It doesn't help, but they shouldn't carry any weight. This movie is mess all on its own without such great source material. There are moments in this film that could have been wildly entertaining, if put in the right hands (read: not Michael Bay's); however, they come so far after you have mentally checked out of the movie, that they hardly register. Fortunately, it wasn't the almost-three-hour run time that we got with "Transformers: Age of Extinction".

Johnathan Liebesman's camera doesn't stay still long enough to to be able watch any of the poorly paced action sequences, that are filled with so many groan inducing one-liners, it is hard to tell which of your senses should be more offended. Most of the actors put in paycheck performances that die on the screen. Especially the usually dependable William Fichtner as Eric Sacks, the evil business man who is responsible for the Turtles mutation, and is a pupil of the Shredder's, despite the fact you never see him practicing martial arts. Come to think of it, the ninja aspect is played down a lot in this movie. The three writers put together an incoherent story, with awkward tonal shifts, that leaves you with too many questions:

Why do none of the foot clan practice Martial Arts? They all carry guns.
Why, if this mutagen makes such perfect beings, does Donatello need glasses?
Why did April O'Neil's father burn down his lab with her inside? (I have a lot of questions about this whole situation)
Why does Shredder need a mechanical suit, and why does it look like a Transformer?
If Shredder was supposed to be Sacks' adoptive father, why do look like they are the same age?
How does a rat teach itself Ninjitsu in the span of what seems to be less than a year?
What was the point of April's room mate when her boss (sadly played by Whoopi Goldberg) serves the exact same story function?

Grade: D
3D: Seriously, don't bother.
Easter Egg: Nope.

Starring: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Creepy CGI creatures
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Writer(s): Josh Applebaum & Andre Nemec, and Evan Daughtrey - Comic: Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman
RT: 101 min
Rating: PG-13 for sci-fi action violence

25 Films #5

#101: Noah (2014)  *Must-See (13)

Darren Aranofsky's Biblical Epic plays more like a grand fantasy film than it does a staunch, heavy-handed Bible movie. His actors are all cast well, especially Emma Watson, who steals nearly every scene, and his script (co-written by Ari Handel) is suspenseful and exciting. This is a solid big-budget film by a solid indie director.

#102: The Grand Budapest Hotel  *Must-See (7)

#103: Iron Man 3 (2013) - B. *Rewatch

Despite the mistreatment of the Mandarin, the annoying kid, and too much Happy Hogan, this is a really fun film. It definitely has the most thrilling Marvel Studios third act action scene outside of "The Avengers". Robert Downey Jr. also seems to have reached his peak of playing Tony Stark, because he never feels out of place or off beat.

#104: Thor: The Dark World (2013) *Rewatch

#105 & 106: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) *Must-See (2)

#107: Draft Day

#108: The Last Days On Mars (2013)

A by-the-numbers sci-fi horror film that follows in the foot steps of films like "Alien" and "Event Horizon". Director Ruairi Robinson even copies shots from these films. It has a reasonably short running time that keeps it from becoming aimless, but the thrills and scares are never present.

Grade: C

#109: Hide Your Smiling Faces (2013)

There are times when Daniel Patrick Carbone's film feels a bit like a Terrence Malick piece, and other times when it feels unlike anything else. The result is a haunting depiction of two brothers, from a small rural town, who are forced to deal with the death of a friend. 

Grade: B-

#110: G.B.F. (2013)

I would like to commend this film on creating a gay character that wasn't a complete stereotype, and having a pretty decent premise. I would not like to commend on not only stealing so much from every other high school movie, and copping to it more than once in the dialogue. It becomes a mixed bag of good and bad ideas, and they rotate from one second to the next. A few decent performances, and couple of belly laughs make it passable. Barely.

Grade: C 

#111: The Unknown Known (2013)

This portrait of former Secretary of State, Donald Rumsfeld, is deeply engrossing, and somewhat disturbing. It was hard to not be taken by Errol Morris' use of footage, and slightly manipulative editing, to tell the story of a man who constantly finds himself next to the highest seat of power in the US. Rumsfeld is cool and collected, and calculates every answer with a sly grin, and a hearty chuckle. Even if you don't agree with him in the end, you at least come away with a modicum of respect for him. 

Grade: A

#112: Alan Partridge (2013)

Steve Coogan is perhaps one of the funniest people making movies today, and he somehow is not a household name in America. While the premise of this film takes a lot from the mid-nineties comedy "Airheads", it still manages to feel original and amusing. 

Grade: B+

#113: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)  *Rewatch

#114: Brick Mansions (2014)

Put an eye patch on Paul Walker's character, and, suddenly, you have "Escape From Detroit". Camille Delamarre's remake of "District 13" is pure escapist fun, which makes no apologies for the lack of plot and character development. The acting is stale, the story is silly, but the action is thrilling, and there is plenty of it. Luc Besson's social commentary isn't too far off either. 

Grade: C+

#115: The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

#116: Dom Hemingway (2013)

#117: The Clone Wars (2008)

Grade: C-

#118: Rock and Roll High School (1979)  *Rewatch

There are few films in this world that walk the line between absurd humor and flat-out insanity the way Alan Arkush's 1979 cult classic does.

Grade: A

#119: Star Wars (1977)  *Rewatch

Though it has its kinks, this is the beginning of the greatest film franchise in the world. I know that sounds a little biased (because it super is!), but George Lucas created lightning in a bottle when he started this trilogy, and captured the imagination of every young 

Grade: A+

#120: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1977)   *Rewatch

Grade: A+

#121: Godzilla (2014)  *Must-See (5)

Grade: B+

#122: Jedi Junkies (2010)

Grade: B

#123: The Pervert's Guide to Ideology (2012)

Grade: A

#124: Milius (2013)

Grade: A

#125: Men at Lunch (2012)

Grade: B