Big Miracle (2012)

Gotta get you trapped under Ice.

Why must people continue to put Drew Barrymore in movies? She can't act, she has one facial expression, and when she "cries" I have an easier time believing that some squirted lemon juice in her face. Yet, I don't hate a lot of films she's in. "Big Miracle" was one of those films, despite Barrymore trying her hardest to ruin it. The supporting cast had so much depth and talent, and the script was mildly conventional, but not overly cheesy. Director Ken Kwapis, who has had a few missteps in his career, knows how to capture wonderfully tender moments without the slightest hint of irony (look at the "One Little Star" sequence from "Follow That Bird"). I wouldn't rush out to see this, but it was definitely not a waste of time.

Grade: B-

Starring: Drew Barrymore, John Krasinski, Ted Danson

Director: Ken Kwapis

Writer(s): Jack Amiel, Michael Begler - Novel - Thomas Rose

RT: 107 min

Rating: PG for language

Woman in Black, the (2012)

Scary Potter

"The Woman in Black" may be the most suspenseful horror film I have seen in a long time. Its scares are predictable, but still manage to get you with loud, shrill music cues. Daniel Radcliffe moves on from the Harry Potter franchise with ease, giving a chilling portrayal of a widowed lawyer tasked with cleaning out a haunted mansion after the death its owner. The movie is shot and edited beautifully, flushing out many tense, and silent moments of a well written script. I got a lot more from this film than I expected, and it is going on a very short list of very good PG-13 horror films.

Grade: A-

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Janet McTeer, Ciaran Hinds
Director: James Watkins
Writer(s): Jane Goldman - Novel: Susan Hill
RT: 95 min
Rating: PG-13 for thematic material and violence/disturbing images

Beneath the Darkness (2012)

Ham and Cheese

Sometimes you have to wonder how someone as talented as Dennis Quaid ends up in films as bad as "Beneath the Darkness". And you know it is bad when his hammy performance is the best thing about it. It's a horror film that lacks all tension, and most of that is through the underwhelming performances of the young cast. Bruce Wilkinson's script is transparent, telegraphing every major plot turn scenes before you see it happen. The dialogue fumbles out the cast's mouths, and they hit every horror movie cliche with each bland sentence uttered. There really isn't anything redeeming about this film, and I would suggest staying as far away form this film possible, despite Quaid's name above the title .

Grade: F

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Aimee Teegarden, Tony Oller
Director: Martin Guigui
Writer(s): Bruce Wilkinson
RT: 96 min
Rating: R for some violence and language

Rampart (2011)

How the LAPD says hello.

Oren Moverman's "Rampart" is a fascinating film about a corrupt cop who has managed to find himself in hot water after brutally beating a man on camera. Woody Harrelson plays David, the corrupt cop, with a unerring swagger, and a quiet sadness. He makes him highly detestable, with his rascist and sexist behavior, but at the same time, you see he is broken, and has trouble relating to other people. Moverman and James Ellroy's script is filled with unnerving political and racial tension with dialogue that hits with a glorious punch, and Harrelson's delivery is spot on (so is the who's who of a supporting cast). The editing seems a little too choppy at times when it doesn't need to, and breaks up a few scenes that would might have landed a bit better without it. This doesn't take away from how gritty and shocking the film can be at times, it just doesn't help.

Grade: B+

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Ice Cube, Ben Foster
Director: Oren Moverman
Writer(s): Oren Moverman, James Ellroy
RT: 108 min
Rating: R for pervasive language, sexual content and some violence

Chronicle (2012)

Just-us League 

At its heart "Chronicle" is very good, witty sci-fi film. On the surface it just doesn't seem to try. I wanted to like this film, and I did enjoy quite a bit of it, but the found footage style editing, and under acting from the three leads, made it a little difficult. The story is just another "don't pick on the moody loner, because he could be capable of more than you think" plot line that ends in the mass destruction of Seattle. Dane DeHaan plays Andrew, the aforementioned loner, who gains superpowers from unexplained source found in an underground cavern along with his cousin (Alex Russell) and the most popular kid in school ("Friday Night Lights'" Michael B. Jordan). The three test their powers and make discoveries together until Andrew gets out of control, because he's a moody loner, and that is what moody loners do. The writing is good in spots but never lets you really care about any of the characters, who are more stereotypes than people, and the editing is so quick they only seem to be there as camera transportation anyway (no matter how implausible it is that they would keep it around). If it would have been a straight forward film, I feel like Josh Trank and Max Landis could have had something worth seeing.

Grade: C-

Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan
Director: Josh Trank
Writer: Max Landis - Story: Max Landis & Josh Trank
RT: 83 min
Rating: PG-13 for intense action and violence, thematic material, some language, sexual content and teen drinking

5 Favorites: Jamie Foxx

Another entry for 5 favorites during Black History Month, and this week I'm looking at Jamie Foxx. A stand-up comedian turned sketch comedy star when he was cast on "In Living Color" in the early 90's (my second "In Living Color" alum for 5 favorites). In 1996 Foxx was given his own show by the W.B., and began, what would become, his illustrious film career with roles in "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" and "The Great White Hype". In 2004 he was nominated for two Oscars, these are, so far, his only two nominations. He earned one for Best Supporting in Michael Mann's "Collateral" and one for Best Actor for Taylor Hackford's "Ray", which he won. So, now to the list!

5. Booty Call (1997)

This is one of those picks where I know there are a few, maybe more, performances that could go on this list instead, but this is Jamie Foxx before he was the A list actor he is today. "Booty Call" is a goofy safe-sex comedy in which Foxx plays Tommy Davidson's (another "In Living Color" vet) wingman, as Davidson is trying to consummate his new relationship. Foxx is extremely funny as Bunz (yes, you read that correctly), a character who is dragged all around the city by his friend looking for needed materials to make his night go a little smoother. Fresh off of "In Living Color", and his new sitcom, he shows beautiful comedic timing in a film that may not be all that funny, but it does hold a certain place in my heart, because this was before Black Comedies had to have cross-dressing to sell to wide audiences.

4. Jarhead (2005)

You can almost see the channeling of R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket) in this role. Foxx plays Staff Sgt. Sykes in Anthony Swofford's tale of combat, or lack there of. He's the commander of a platoon in Kuwait who can't seem to get into battle, but are instead sent to protect oil fields. His drill instructor scenes at the beginning of the film are where the spirit of Ermey seem most prevalent. He leads his squad through the deserts, and even gives a bit a sage advice to Swofford (played beautifully by Jake Gyllenhaal).

3. Dreamgirls (2006)

Look at that sleazy smile. Those shifty eyes. That horrible haircut. It isn't hard to see why Bill Condon would pick Foxx to play fast-talking Curtis Taylor Jr. in the adaptation of the 1981 Broadway musical, putting his music degree from United States International University to work. He brings a certain charm to the role, and gives him an almost devil-in-disguise feel. You want to like him at first, but his ruthless management tactics put an end to that. And, when Jennifer Hudson's Effie is crooning "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" at him, as he walks out her, you begin to downright hate him with each mournful, "You're gonna love me".

2. Collateral (2004)

Michael Mann cast Jaime as Max, a cab driver with big dreams, in this pulse-pounding thriller. This was among my favorite films of 2004, and Foxx was a big reason for that. His timid performance, as he is held hostage, and made to take hitman Tom Cruise around L.A. in one night, is marvelous. He sells the fear as he watches the body count rise, and the danger become more and more real. The scene in which the two men visit Max's ailing mother (played by the always delightful Irma P. Hall) in the hospital is especially terrifying, because you're not absolutely sure how it might end, and you can see it in Foxx's eyes the whole time. It did never make sense to me how he is the main character of the piece, and only managed to pull off a Best Supporting nod for this charming performance. There is barely a frame that doesn't have him in it.

1. Ray (2004)

There are a few times every year when I watch a film, and forget that I'm watching a well known actor play somebody else. Such was the case with "Ray". At no point in this movie were you watching Jamie Foxx play Ray Charles. Jamie WAS Ray Charles. He played the role with such a pitch perfect mimic, that you never saw his personality peek through. This is the moment that Foxx established himself as an A list leading man in Hollywood. Despite his "In Living Color" co-star, Jim Carrey, being unable to reel in the Oscar for his performance in "Man on the Moon", for an equally perfect biopic performance, he got one. He hasn't been nominated since, but I doubt that means he won't be back. 

2011: My 20 Most Hated Films

2011 had its moments of pure triumph, and then it had these 20 poor excuses for cinema. 20 films that made me, and most other people, squirm in their seats wondering how much longer they would have to endure the tragedies that were unfolding before them. To show what critics consensus was on the film, I'm going to put the Rotten Tomatoes percentage next to each title, hoping to prove I'm not alone. Now, for the most part, I tried to stay away from crappy movies this year. So, if there isn't something on this list that you think belongs, there is a chance that I didn't see it. For the past few weeks though, I tried to watch as many terrible movies as possible. So, please let me know. I would love to hear what you have to say. I promise.

20. Mars Needs Moms (37%)

Everyone was so busy complaining about how let down they were by "Cars 2", they apparently forgot to see Disney's poor attempt at cashing in on Pixar's popularity. The motion capture tech seems a little bit behind its contemporaries. The dead eyes didn't help all of the bored sounding voice-over actors in the movie. I expect so much more from the studio that was smart enough to produce films like "The Muppets". 

Most Embarrassing Moment: Dan Fogler

19. The Green Hornet (44%)

I've not yet begun to be okay with Hollywood ruining every good thing that was on television. From "The A Team" to "Transformers", nothing is sacred to the modern day film industry. When ever Seth Rogen talked about "The Green Hornet" it sounded like he knew about the old series, but it was obvious from watching the film, which he co-wrote, that he had no clue. Instead of being an action piece of, at the very least, "Batman Begins" caliber, which it should have been, it was more along the lines of what would have happened if the Three Stooges would have stumbled upon a cache of crime-fighting weapons, but not funny.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Rogen's Hornet actually says lines like, "Balls deep in shit kickin' dudes".

18. Red Riding Hood (11%)

I don't even know if I could write a coherent rant about how boring this film is. It lacks everything a good fantasy should have, especially the power to transport an audience to another, more magical world. The plot is convoluted, the acting is terrible, and the directing is, well... Catherine Hardwicke. The woman who directed "Twilight". If you find a way to not make Gary Oldman scary, by far the easiest thing to do in film, you are bad at your job.

Most Embarrassing Moment: I think misusing Gary Oldman is the biggest sin of this pile.


17. Abduction (4%)

Oh! More "Twilight" alumni. Taylor Lautner is officially the least thrilling action star since... since... huh, I can't think of another example. That's how bad he was in this flaccid action flick that had one of the greatest supporting casts of the year, and was directed by John "Boyz n the Hood" Singleton. I honestly don't think we'll be seeing him alongside the greatest in "Expendables 3", but I'll take him over Chuck Norris... That's who I should have said! Chuck Norris sucks!

Most Embarrassing Moment: Lautner's adoptive parents, who have had him since birth, are killed, and he shows less emotion than a dead fish.

16. The Dilemma (24%)

I wish I could put "The Zookeeper" on this list, but I didn't see it. I did, however, see Kevin James' other stupid movie this year. Vince Vaughn, playing Vince Vaughn, and Winona Ryder but stumble through this sad excuse for a film leaving poor Jennifer Connelly to take up the slack of the extremely horrific script. Which doesn't make sense, because she doesn't belong in a film this bad.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Vince Vaughn trying to intimidate Ryder's lover (Channing Tatum). 


15. Paranormal Activity 3 (66%)

The third film in a series of already awful films. This one offered probably some of the most suspenseful moments of the trilogy, but there were so few of them. With little, to no, real scares, it also offers the lamest tie in to the other two films. It's all taken from "home videos" that went missing in what was supposed to be the time of the first two films, that were all shot by the father, and this makes no sense because of the mindless ending of the film. The worst part about this film is probably the fact that they ARE making a fourth, and it will be released this year.

Most embarrassing moment: The demon haunting the house picks the older daughter up by her hair, and it looks like something out a Three Stooges film.

14. Season of the Witch (10%)

Nicolas Cage, surprise!, stars in this silly film about a group of knights transporting a witch to a monastery, and it only gets worse from there. The writing feels every bit as the treatment of the  witches in this film, and the special effects are just as bad. Cage is, at no point, believable as a Crusader, not that he is as most anything else.

Most embarrassing moment: Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman have a "you take the group on that side moment", and it isn't badass.

13. Your Highness (26%)

I am a fan of Danny McBride, usually, but he couldn't have been much worse in this film. He writes and stars in this mind-numbing stoner comedy set in the middle ages, and brings James Franco and Natalie Portman down with him. This was the sort of film that you were tired of watching by the end of the opening credits. There isn't much that is pleasant about "Your Highness", and what is, just makes you wish that it was in another movie, so you wouldn't have to sit through everything else.

Most embarrassing moment: The opening credits. Those horrible opening credits...

12. Bad Teacher (44%)

The writing team that thought up the incredibly stupid "Year One" don't fail in bringing you another incredibly stupid film. Cameron Diaz is a wholly unlikable character in every sense. She's not funny when verbally, or physically, abusing children. You know, the way Billy Bob Thornton is. Come to think of it, there isn't one interesting, or decent, character in this whole film.

Most embarrassing moment: Diaz tries to get fathers to pay her extra money at a school car wash so she can get a boob job. Yes, you read that right.

11. Waiting for Forever (6%)

I'm sorry if any of you had never heard of this film before this list. Knowing about it may actually make you dumber. Every trap a bad movie could fall into, this one manages to: bad writing, bad directing, waste of good talent. The leading man, Tom Sturridge, is so anti-charming and talentless, it amazes me that nobody escorted him off of the set during the filming, and threw him in the gutter. Blythe Danner and Richard Jenkins play Rachel Bilson's parents, and make every moment they are on screen pure agony for the audience.

Most embarrassing moment: The static lead male explains how he wants to live in Rachel Bilson's blood stream, and he's a stalker. It's damn creepy.

10. Glee: the 3D Concert Movie (60%)

I don't blame Fox for wanting to cash in on their monster hit of a television show, but I do blame creator Ryan Murphy for trying to ruin television, and the music industry, with "Kidz Bop" the teen years. Every ear bleeding moment of this piece crap is about as worthless as a check from the Greek government. I don't know how any critic watched this poor excuse for a "concert" film and gave it a good grade, it's horrifying!

Most embarrassing moment: The kid in the wheelchair tries his hand at rapping "Empire State of Mind", and fails.

9. Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil (11%)

Was this supposed to be an answer to "Shrek"? If it was supposed to be, it was the wrong one. What it was, was a rambling film that had nothing interesting, and wasted the superb talents of pretty much the entire voice cast. I don't know how anyone involved with the film thought they were making anything worth the audience's time, but getting a paycheck is funny sometimes. The right price could buy a whole lot talent to waste, and the producers seemed to have it.

Most embarrassing moment: Brad Garrett does a poorly placed Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas' reference. At least it wasn't "Scarface"... again.

8. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (5%)

The problem with these kind of crossing dressing comedies is that the writers expect the audience to suspend their disbelief to the fact that nobody in this world can tell that these are guys. Look at them! Either everyone who inhabits this film are really dumb, really blind, or really polite. I try to defend the lack of originality in Hollywood, but when sequels like this pop up, I have no argument, and no excuses.

Most embarrassing moment: Faizon Love, a normally funny actor, develops an attraction to Martin Lawrence's Big Momma, because he's apparently the blindest human being alive.

7. The Change-Up (25%)

When the only thing your film has going for you is the fact that some of the audience members may be baseball fans, you have a really shitty movie (Go Braves!). Such is the case with Todd Phillips' "The Change-Up". I couldn't find anything I really liked about this grown-man remake of "Freaky Friday". Bateman and Reynolds are too talented to playing in this sophomoric, humorless pile of crap,and should really be embarrassed.

Most embarrassing moment: Ryan Reynolds' character is sleeping with a pregnant woman. The implications are more sad than shocking.

6. The Roommate (4%)

Hahahahaha! Hold on a minute, I can't stop laughing at the picture above. There in lies the problem with "The Roommate". Leighton Meester is the least credible threat of any psychopath in any thriller I have ever seen. Minka Kelly, whom I absolutely loved on "Friday Night Lights" gets stuck in this hilarious rehashing of "Single White Female", and just doesn't seem to know what to do with it. Also, Meester's character shoves a cat into a dryer, and I laughed for about 5 minutes straight!

Most embarrassing moment: I don't care, did you read the thing about the cat? So funny!

5. Shark Night (14%)

B movies, should stay B movies. I'm enjoying the neo-grindhouse movement as much as the next bad movie enthusiast, but "Shark Night" manages to ignore the joke, and takes itself entirely too seriously. The actors try to make some sense of the piece, but the more they deliver the lines  without a hint of irony, the worse it it becomes for everyone.


Most embarrassing moment: Sara Paxton explains her last date with the main villain of the movie without laughing. And it was a PG-13 horror about killer sharks. Embarrassing.

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide (33%)

I had to stop paying attention to this film at a couple of points, because with every overblown action sequence, I could feel my brain cells dying. A mostly new cast, and new director, couldn't save this from being just like the two sequels before it, boring and stupid. The plot is too silly, even for this series, Captain Jack is as annoying as ever, and Ian McShane is wasted as Blackbeard. Thanks Rob Marshall, this was worse than "Nine".

Most embarrassing moment: Johnny Depp returned as Captain Jack Sparrow. Despite how Michael Bolton feels about it.

3. From Prada to Nada (21%)

Once again, this is a film you probably better off not knowing about. Here is a misguided retelling of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" with sub-par writing and lackluster cast without a decent actor in the bunch. The leads stumble through the film, giving flat performances with little emotion, and Fez from "That 70's Show" happens to be in it. I'm pretty sure between this and "Larry Crowne" that makes him a bad luck charm for directors.

Most embarrassing moment: The father's death at the beginning of the film is so laugh-out-loud funny, you feel bad for anyone that was set that day.

2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (35%)

Can you not make good films, Michael Bay? Once again, Bay visits Rape-o-nostalgialand, and three films into the horrible series, it just doesn't seem to get any better. "Transformers" only seems to be an excuse to destroy well known cities or landmarks. And seriously, just because this is based off a cartoon, doesn't mean all the human characters have to be cartoony. There is nothing redeeming about any of these movies, and I wish people would stop seeing them, so they would being made.

Most embarrassing moment: Bill O' Reilly. 'nuff said.

1. Melancholia (78%)

I don't know if I hate this film because it was truly THAT terrible, and it was truly terrible, or because it got so much hype from critics. Every performance is stale, and someone should have checked Kirsten Dunst for a pulse, because her limp portrayal could have had her listed DOA. The shaky cam directing, and the over artsy visuals make this a tedious drag of a movie. 

Most embarrassing moment: The whole poorly written wedding scene.