Mortdecai (2015)

"Mort"-ifying

Whenever I watch a Johnny Depp movie these days, I am instantly reminded of the Don Coscarelli horror movie, "Bubba Ho-Tep". I continuously think that he was replaced by a look-alike after his smashing success with the first "Pirates of the Caribbean", then he died, and some half-wit doofus is taking whatever role is tossed at him. With his latest stinker, "Mortdecai", in which he plays a bumbling art dealer looking for a missing masterpiece, Johnny's look-alike has found his bottom. This is a daftly unfunny film that is masquerading as clever, but hides behind a few bad running gags, and stale sex jokes, to try to illicit laughs. Any talent in this film, such as Ewan McGregor and Jeff Goldblum, are completely wasted, and the story never gains enough intrigue to be a decent mystery or heist flick. Paul Bettany gives the most earnest performance, but the material is too far below him for his character to be endearing. The only reason, it seems, that this film even got made was because Depp's name is in the producing credits. Good job, Sebastian Haff.

Grade: F
3D: N/A
Easter Egg: No

Starring: Johnny Depp (sort of?), Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany
Director: David Koepp
Writer(s): Eric Aronson - Novel: Kyril Bonfiglioli
RT: 107 min
Rating: Rated R for some language and sexual material