Pass or Fail: The Dark Journey Rises

A friend posted a trailer on facebook yesterday, and gave me an idea. I'm going to take two trailers for upcoming movies that have one thing in common, (like an actor, a genre, a writer, etc.) and I'm going to judge them on how good I think they are. Because a trailer's main goal is to make you want to see a movie, they will either pass, or fail based on how good I think it looks. I figured I would start with a movie I'm about to lose my mind waiting for, if you couldn't tell by the way I've been plastering it all over the internet since last summer. The common element in this case is Michael Caine.

Pass: The Dark Knight Rises

This trailer has everything! Clips that bring up questions that you're anxious to get the answers to (Why is Bruce in prison? Why does that moving crew not like that furniture? Why are my pants all covered with urine?), introductions to new characters that look awesome (mmmmm Anne Hathaway), shady politics, violence, explosions, Pittsburgh Steelers' veteran receiver (and Dancing with the Stars winner) Hines Ward being amazing, and, of course, BATMAN! I find it best to hold you breath until the trailer is over.

Fail: Journey 2: the Mysterious Island

Here is a sequel to a film I didn't know anybody even liked. Brendan Fraser was in the first one, but he turned this down, and doesn't seem to be into doing any sequels right now (for reference, see "The Mummy 3"... or better yet, don't). This makes me wonder how truly bad this film is, because we're talking about the man that yes to "Furry Vengence". I have no idea why Michael Caine decided this was a good choice for him. My best guess is he put A LOT of money on the Packers to win the Super Bowl. Then we have Vanessa Hudgens, whose best credit is an action film that is being called one of the worst films of 2011. Luis Guzman, who I generally like, is in here as the "comedic relief", complete with fall gags, stuff being thrown on him, and... smelling his armpits? (exhausted sigh) I don't even want to talk about how disappointed I am in Dwayne Johnson.

Extra Pass: The Trip


Here is a clip from a film, starring Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, that is incredibly funny.

The Ides of March (2011)

Presidential fitness

Is there anything Ryan Gosling can't do? Romantic comedy ladies man, strong and silent action star, and now a take-no-prisoners political campaign manager. And this is only what he's done in 2011! On the other hand,  George Clooney, pulling quadruple duty as director, a writer, producer, and a Senator looking for a presidential nomination in the film, just keeps finding ways to impress me as a film maker. He continues to make beautiful and complicated films that are equal parts artistic and entertaining. Ok, maybe "Leatherheads" isn't all that complicated, but it's still pretty damn funny. The political backstabbing and shady dealing at the heart of the script is great, and the cast is bursting at the seams with great performers, all worthy of taking home little statues with their names on them.

Grade: A

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Paul Giamatti, George Clooney
Director: George Clooney
Writer(s): George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon - Play: Beau Willimon
RT: 101 min
Rating: R for pervasive language

Contagion (2011)

Sick of it all.

Steven Soderbergh's "Contagion" creeped me out so bad, that while I'm typing this, I'm wondering when the last time I washed my hands was, and how many times this computer has been touched without somebody washing theirs first. The film was so realistic in its portrayal of a rapid spreading new disease, and the government response to it, that it will make anyone watching very, very paranoid. The cast, like so many Soderbergh projects, is bursting at the seams with reliable talent. Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet, Marion Cotillard, Jude Law, and John Hawkes, among many others, hand in their own excellent performances, but it's Matt Damon, playing the widow of the first victim (Gwyneth Paltrow), who makes the film his own. His role in this film is sympathetic, honest, and human. There is much about this film that is all of those.

Grade: A-

Starring: Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Writer(s): Scott Z. Burns

RT: 106 min

Rating: PG-13 for disturbing content and some language

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011) / Glee: the 3D Concert Movie (2011)

I can count to this many!

I didn't figure I would need to see either of these movies. Partly because I know I wouldn't enjoy the music, mostly because I had already seen the Hannah Montana concert movie, and these films are all the same. Fortunately, for me, I've caught these two in small segments on the video store televisions while selecting other, better films. Unfortunately, I was absolutely right. These ARE the same film. A live concert spliced with interviews with the artists, the artists' friends, and the legion of fans drooling over themselves while waiting in line to see the people who have inspired them to live their lives.

How to succeed in entertainment without ever trying

They do differ in one way, and really only one way: the music. Bieber's music may sound like cats drowning in a bag, but it's his music. He, and a team of writers, took those cats, stuffed them in a bag, and threw it in the water themselves. "Glee", on the other hand, doesn't. This detestable show takes other people's music, and decides to ruin those with mediocre vocals and over produced recordings. I was unlucky enough to be perusing through the new releases when the idiot with the poor excuse for a mohawk was "singing" Queen's "Fat Bottom Girls", which happens to be my favorite song. As much as I don't want to hear bad original music, I hate hearing horrible covers of great songs.

Grade: "Bieber" - D
           "Glee" - F

Starring: Justin Bieber / The cast of "Glee"
Director: Jon M. Chu / Kevin Tancharoen
Writer(s): N/A
RT: 105 min / 84 min
Rating: G / PG for thematic elements, brief language and some sensuality

Meek's Cutoff (2011)

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There are films that tow the line between film, and an immersion into a slice of life so true, that you can't help but wonder how close to real it is. "Meek's Cutoff" is one of those. Bruce Greenwood, playing the title character, Stephen Meek, gets a group of three families lost on the Oregon Trail (yes, the one from the computer game) by trying to take a shortcut. Tensions rise, and the travelers become paranoid, and begin to turn on one another. The writing is slowly paced with an almost silent perfection, and the cast is stellar. This isn't a film I could recommend to everybody, mostly due to the all of the comments about how boring they thought the film was, but for the select few who willing to spend the 104 minute run time to see a quiet, restrained film, this one is for you. Manifest Destiny has never felt this raw and honest.

Grade: A

Starring: Michelle Williams, Bruce Greenwood, Will Patton
Director: Kelly Reichardt
Writer(s): Jonathan Raymond
RT: 104 min
Rating: PG for some mild violent content, brief language and smoking

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (2011)

It's fun and games, until someone loses a Spy.

When did this happen? When I was younger, sequels sucked! A few good ones popped up here and there, but by the time you hit four, you were out of ideas, and only the die hard fans were still around (oh, Die Hard: With a Vengeance was great sequel). Brad Bird's mission, and he chose to accept, was to find a way to make the best Mission Impossible yet. AND HE DID IT! The film is pure white-knuckle action. I guess I shouldn't be surprised considering this is the guy who wrote, and directed, "The Iron Giant" and "The Incredibles". His live action debut is certainly one of the most thrilling action film to hit theaters all year. Tom Cruise is smooth, and full of life in this installment. His supporting cast carries the film above and beyond. Renner, Patton, and Pegg take this from another dumb shoot-em-up, fast-driving, explode-a-thon, to a more emotions laden film, with layered characters, and explosions.

Grade: A-

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Paula Patton, Simon Pegg

Director: Brad Bird

Writer(s): Josh Applebaum & Andre Nemec - TV Series: Bruce Geller

RT: 133 min

Rating:  PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence 

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011)

Yup. That bad.

New Hollywood cartoon formula: 3D animation, as many noteworthy voices as you can shove into it, and wall to wall references to any pop culture you can logically think to write in. All of these can work, unless you forget to make the writing interesting, or the references funny. We've all heard Joe Pesci's clown line from "Goodfellas" when someone tells a mob boss he's funny, and for some reason they always do. A lot of the actors, including Joan Cusack, sound bored reading the lines, because there is no way they don't know the dialogue is terrible, and the animation is rough to look at. This film is a mess, and there is no reason, with the caliber of talent they had, that it ever should have been.

Grade: F

Starring: Hayden Panettiere, Patrick Warburton, Glenn Close
Director: Mike Disa
Writer(s): Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards, Mike Disa, & Tony Leech
RT: 86 min
Rating: PG for some mild rude humor, language and action